Newbie.

[Pinklady]

Hi, just joined after speaking to someone about my situation and finding out that yes for the past (detail removed by moderator) yrs I am being abused emotionally, mentally and financially, he has been physical in the past but not for at least (detail removed by moderator)months now.
Quite a shock, although I think deep down I sort of realised it but admitting it & facing up to it is another matter….
So I’m not working, always some excuse as why I couldn’t go for that job. So am financially dependant on him, live in his house (my family live down south) have no contact with them or friends.
He has totally isolated me & I’m struggling to find a way out of this mess.
I have put over (detail removed by moderator) into his savings account which I now have no access to & he refuses to give me any money, what can I do?
I’m desperate to get out, every day is a struggle trying to not annoy him or start him off, which believe me doesn’t take much.
Really can’t take much more, oh and menopausal into the bargain!
Just be good to speak to others for a bit of support, sorry if I’ve depressed anyone, wasn’t my intention!

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey hun, welcome, you’re in the right place here.

The realisation that you’ve been abused is in itself really hurtful isn’t it. Well done for being able to see things for what they are though, I’d say that alone is the first step to getting free of the abuse.

My recommendation would be to come visit here often and to read, read, read, get as much information and knowledge as you can. Arm yourself with it to help recognise the abusive behaviours and protect yourself.

I would recommend “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft (about £12 from Amazon). (detail removed by moderator)

Stay strong, good luck xx

[Pinklady]

Hi Eeyorenomore,
Thanks for your reply & advice I have been doing some reading and found that lovebombing & gaslighting are very informative!
It’s quite amazing once you start looking into things, how much you recognise yourself & the abuser, although also upsetting & to be truthful I’m also angry at myself for being such a fool.

At the moment, he is trying the nice approach after a couple of days of horrendous emotional abuse.
He knows it’s over for me and because this time I’m not listening to him, using the don’t bite back method, he is getting frustrated which obviously I am wary of, so now he’s changing tactics!
I can’t believe how strong I’m being, I have applied to do some voluntary work to get me out and am looking at accommodation, which is difficult due to my financial restraints but it’s giving me hope!

I will continue to gain as much info as possible and I hope all’s ok with you?
Thanks for your support, at least now I don’t feel so alone & know that there is help out there.

Stay safe & strong!
xx

[Healthyarchive]

Dear pink lady, prepare for him to end your relationship some time soon. In my experience when they suspect that you are cooling & having thoughts about ending it, this is the point they seize control & end it before you or at the same time as you. I think this is a control tactic on their part.

[Pinklady]

Hi Healthyarchiv,
Thanks for your advice, I will do! He is still trying to talk me round even now but I know that if I don’t let it go, I will be lost forever!
Now I know there is support & help out there, it’s giving me the strength I need to do this, so thank you.
Take care, stay safe & strong!
x

[EeyoreNoMore]

You were never a fool, you were caught in an abuser’s web – absolutely not your fault.

You sound like you’re doing great. Stay strong and be careful xx

[Author]

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