Newbie feeling overwhelmed

[Overwhelmed-and-Lost]

Hi, I’m new to the forum. My now ex partner was arrested ? (detail removed by moderator). I secretly reached out to the police online and deleted the trail as my ex was controlling everything including all finances, he was mentally abusive, he had slowly isolated me from family and friends, he was checking my phone, listening in on calls etc.
The police turned up out the blue to safeguard I was ok, I had no idea they were coming that day, everything happened so fast, he was arrested and taken from the house but was later released without charge 😔 because he lied his way out of it. He turned up here after being released but I didn’t let him in the house and just passed bags full of his essentials.
Local domestic violence said they’d get me a support worker to help me but weeks later heard nothing. I’m disabled and ex was the earner in the household and also unofficial carer, I have no money whatsoever, supplies are quickly running out because I can’t wait any longer for support I took the plunge and applied for UC today but first payment won’t be until mid May.
I feel like my life was turned upside down in the space of a few hours and now the authorities just abandoned me, there is absolutely no support and aadvice nothing! Feel like I have been left high and dry and there is nothing in place for the aftermath it has caused….
In the meantime he is demanding (detail removed by moderator) and his larger items like furniture etc but I feel these are not essential during the current lockdown because he is staying with family and has all the creature comforts. I know he needs his private property eventually, but I am not going to let him in the house to get it himself and I physically cannot do it because I’m disabled. I’ve told him I will arrange a neutral 3rd party after lockdown is lifted.
In the meantime I’m being bad mouthed by him and family to people in our town with pure lies to make a terrible human being and he is coming out of all this smelling of roses!
I keep telling myself the truth will out eventually but it doesn’t feel like that right now. To add to my worries I found dozens of debt letters that he’d hidden…..I had no idea about any it…….exasperated, tired and don’t know where to turn

 

[KIP.]

Ring the national domestic abuse helpline and also citizens advice for advice about the debt. Is the debt in his name? We have a great local charity that’s helping with vulnerable people due to covid19. Try to search for similar. Your MP may have a list of charities that are helping too. My GP surgery also has a list of volunteers so keep reaching out. It’s very typical of these men to bad mouth us and try to discredit us. It’s purely to take the focus off their behaviour. Hang in there and don’t give him anything he can’t prove he bought that you may need x

[Anonymous]

Hi,

Ask for an advance payment of UC to tide you over. Contact Adult Social Services if you are struggling to manage without a carer and get a needs assessment done. If debts are in his name forward them to his new address if they are in yours then as Kip says contact citizens advice they may also be able to help with applying for larger goods that you will need once he has taken his stuff. Get onto your local branch of WA and see if there is any sign of a support worker for you. As for him bad mouthing you that seems to be a common thing. He can’t control you so he is controlling how others see you. Its horrible I know but you have to keep reminding yourself you are not who he portrays you to be. I know its been a shock to the system all this but if you can manage to keep him out the property it will be worth it once everything is in place. Good luck.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there contact your local councillor too, they are good at helping in oor situations. Have you thought about contacting your local church too, they run different organisations within the church, some do debt management, think it’s called Christians against poverty, they’ll help with food too. I’m not sure where you are in UK but in Scotland people can access welfare fund until UC is processed, there’s a form to fill out online through your local council hence why I suggested getting in touch with your local councillor. Contact domestic violence group again, I know ours are all working from home so if you were new to them you may have got lost in the process. We’re so used to not rocking the boat but now is the time to start building up your confidence, start rocking some boats.
Keep in touch, keep posting and reading others posts, knowledge is power.
IWMB 💞💞

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