31st December 2020 at 1:12 am #118752CosmicascaParticipant
Hi all, I’m new here.
Does anyone else feel like they are betraying them by even being here/reaching out for help? I’m getting anxious just putting the words out there so I’ll take my time with my story guys, but I’ll get there 🙂
31st December 2020 at 5:26 am #118757KIP.Participant
Hello and welcome. Yes, I felt incredibly guilty for a long time. We have been brainwashed and programmed and controlled by guilt. We get stuck in a Fog of abuse.the Fear Obligation and Guilt. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. They guilt is his to carry and if you carry it then he won’t have to. He is responsible for his own actions and actions have consequences. I spent a lifetime protecting and defending my abuser. Good riddance to bad rubbish x
31st December 2020 at 10:45 am #118776GreenSapphireParticipant
Yes I also felt incredibly guilty for a long time. It’s not your cross to bear, it’s his. This will eventually sink in and the more you talk and the more you read, the more it will start sinking in. Go at your own pace, just keeping walking the path. You’ll get there x
31st December 2020 at 3:57 pm #118799CirclesParticipant
I feel like this also. It’s been (detail removed by Moderator) weeks since I made the decision to seperate and although we are living in the same house he will be leaving in (detail removed by Moderator) and my divorce is 3/4 completed.
The guilt I carry though as being the one who is making him leave his home is huge. Despite the fact that he is the one in the wrong ad admits to being the one in the wrong, this doesn’t help. He looks to me to fix it all like I usually do and now I am beyond that point he is like a lost soul.
But actions have consequences and if I had treated him like he treated me there is no way I would still be living under the same roof. He would have made me leave.
So, it comes down to this. It’s him or me. And I choose me. If I put him 1st then I come 2nd and I’m sick of coming 2nd.
There is no alternative and that’s all there is to it. Stay strong, write a journal of your thoughts and how he makes you feel. It really helped me and still does.
31st December 2020 at 7:06 pm #118808xxx22Participant
Hello & Welcome x x
Yeah, I felt really guilty when speaking to women’s aid and reaching out on here. It was a huge realisation because there were lots of parts of my relationship I felt were so loving and everything I wanted it to be. I also felt like deep down he had a good heart and he doesn’t mean to cause emotional abuse but then that is part of the manipulation. I used to wonder after if he really would feel the same type of guilt if not more for the way he made me feel countless times – the truth is most likely not.
Always remember you have to look out for you, your happiness and health and there is nothing to be guilty about when it comes to that. The guilt will pass when you feel more at peace and supported by being here. Whenever I have a low moment I head here. stay strong x x
31st December 2020 at 8:03 pm #118811LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting. I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be with other Survivors. We will be here when you are ready to share more.
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