11th January 2021 at 7:21 pm #119615
I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get from this but just need to hear from others who have been there really.
I had a PTSD nightmare last night. It was one of those dreams where you are on the verge of being awake and you can’t distinguish the dream from waking reality. I was convinced that he was in my house and hovvering in the landing. I couldn’t get out of the nightmare and managed to wake myself up by shouting for help. The sound of my own voice finally woke me.
I feel really tearful now. Discussions on the forum have brought me to understanding that I was raped, not 3 times like I thought, but literally hundreds of times.
I know what I would be telling other ladies yo do, contact rape crisis or SARCs for counselling but my life is already so upside at that I’m not sure I can cope with counselling and facing reality.
I also know from recent trauma counselling that they won’t really drill down to sort this out whilst counselling is all virtual. My last trauma counsellor tried that and I just ended up walking around in a state of shock until my mind took over and put that safe distance between me and reality.
When does this ever go away?
11th January 2021 at 8:16 pm #119619HawthornParticipant
I sure hope so Eggshells. I find myself in a similar position. Not about the nightmares anymore; thankfully they have stopped the last few months. I had nightmares about him hovering over my bed, burning the house down around me, really dreadful stuff. I just had the odd one for the first few months then they stopped so I hope it’s just a one off thing for you.
I’m the same about the rape situation. Between the forum and a paragraph in a book I was reading i got very triggered and started getting flashbacks. My counsellor has advised i leave it alone for now, try and put it back in the box. I think after this post I’m going to avoid things that remind me of it for awhile. For me it’s still pretty early days and I think it’s too much to process at the moment. I have other healing to do and my counsellor said that’s most commonly the last step of the healing process as you need to be feeling very strong and resilient to process it and heal.
Long story short, I have very little advice apart from dont rush it or yourself. And I know a bit how you’re feeling and wish I could give you a hug. And if you need to cry please do xx
11th January 2021 at 9:49 pm #119620
Thank you for replying Hawthorn. I understand what it will have cost you emotionally to do that. I feel that you really understand why I’m not ready to face this yet. Thank you for being so kind. xx
12th January 2021 at 6:20 am #119628KIP.Participant
Take your time and work on your safe place some more and coping strategies x mindfulness really helped me. Leaving a light on and a radio on low for a couple years at night. Having a mantra when I woke. (It’s Saturday 2021 and I’m safe). Having a smell next to your bed you associate with a happy place. Mine was the coconut hand cream that reminded me of sun cream from holiday. But lavender is a good relaxing one to use with mindfulness. Just know that ‘this too shall pass’ 💕
12th January 2021 at 10:27 am #119633GreenSapphireParticipant
It’s absolutely horrible when the mind tricks us into thinking we are still in it and makes us relive all the hurtful things they said and did. I’ve also used meditative techniques to calm me. I find Eckhart Tolle’s audio and video on YouTube life-saving, he talks a lot about getting back to or into the present moment and i’ve found this so, so helpful when i’ve been re-living the past or have had a nightmare.
Take your time and sending hugs x
12th January 2021 at 7:16 pm #119650
Thanks everyone. I really need to get back into mindfulness don’t I. I’ve been neglecting it. I’ll have a look at Erhard Tolle. Thank you. xx
12th January 2021 at 8:30 pm #119652GreenSapphireParticipant
‘You are the sky. The clouds are what comes and goes.’ Eckhart Tolle
I find so much peace in this. Hope you do too x
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