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I’ve not had nightmares about my ex for quite some time now. I’ve had counselling recently which was very helpful. I have a final order in place for contact recently and although its not what I know is best for our kids at least it means an end (for now) to years of court.
In theory things should be better. But I’m really struggling the last couple of weeks. I’ve had nightmares every night about my ex. None of these are about things that actually happened or could happen in future. Its stuff like dreaming he moved back in and refused to leave, that we got back together and he was abusive again etc. At points I half wake in the night and can’t work out if its true or not. Its really horrible.
I am also finding myself missing my kids more than I have for a long time when they are away. Obviously I always miss them but I have done a lot of work on new interests/hobbies and rekindling friendships. But I feel like I’ve gone back to how I felt right at the start when they were going away overnight for the first few times – really tearful and heartbroken.
I wonder if this is normal after the end of years of uncertainty? At one point I thought contact would be stopped entirely so its hard to come to terms with things being resolved, but not in the way I want them.
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It’s perfectly normal to react this way, counselling process has probably brought up a lot of things for you to process and work through… I went through exactly the same thing with vivid nightmares and occasionally still get them. The pain you were not able to process during the relationship seems to pop it’s ugly head up when you least expect it.
It’s also natural to grieve and it comes in layers…be kind to yourself healing takes time.
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