Nightmares and tears

[Chocolatebunnie]

I’m standing up for myself more, leading to an argument.

He’s angry as I was cross first, apparently he is a reflection of me?

He never understands me or how I feel, no really we never get past this

Felt alone, overwhelmed by recent events having had so much go on and not just my relationship but my parents too.

Crying whilst trying to get to sleep, wishing I could just make sense of everything. Hoping he doesn’t hear me crying.

Dreading the social worker contacting him soon. She says she has to disclose where she got consent to talk to kids. How do I deal with this? I’m frightened it’s dropping me in it?

He’s in a good mood so far but then been accused of a snack again which he’s denying and calling my child a liar.

I’m keeping kids with me as much as possible but even that I have to be careful not to draw attention to it

I feel a bit more grounded compared to last night but still it’s not a good feeling

[Twisted Sister]

Hi CB

It all sounds incredibly challenging for you, as it wuold be for anyone. Its a virtually impossible situation to feel any positives in. You are doing your best under impossible circumstances, so as hard as it is you need commend yourself for keeping your children safe and managing yourself as best you can. I think many of us will not be strangers to crying in bed at night and trying to hide the fact.

Have I recalled right that you had confirmation previously from someone that the source of the report would have to come from a different direction because of the additional risk it could put you all under?

Maybe try to raise this again, as its imperative everything is done to keep you safe.

Has he hit one of the children again? it says snack, but I am assuming that to be a typo. Have you reported that. I mean you can’t stop him doing anything, which is the point, but outside authorities can remove him, especially if the children tell anyone what he’s done/doing.

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thanks TS for your reply

The thing bothering me is firstly he’s in trouble, secondly it’s my fault. Then as the referral is a result of me reaching out to local women’s aid, because I was for the first time totally open.

I gave consent for kids to talk to social services. It’s agreed as referal came originally from local support for DA that it will be said the referral came from the school. That’s fine. However I have consent in writing (signed a form) for kids to speak with social worker which she has said she will have to disclose this consent if he ask’s regards this.

I’m petrified as this was a few weeks ago now and I haven’t told him. I’m scared of the whole situation and not coping well
With it.

He’s about at the moment too, at home.

Local support said I could tell him or better to wait and see what happens but I’m not sitting comfortably with this and wish I hadn’t reached out at this moment in time.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this would be appreciated

CB X

[Chocolatebunnie]

My child said he had been smacked but had not.

Dad had grabbed a remote as kids were squabbling and this in turn caused an accidental tap, it’s not clear what happened.

Previously he has smacked and then there was he accident a few weeks ago when my child got hurt (not badly minor but mark left) husband had lost his temper and threw something at child to get ready for school.

He denies ever smacking

His reaction after is anger not remorse.

I hope I’ve explained it more clearly

CB x

[Funduro]

I have been having flashbacks in the form of nightmares about what the abusive ex did to me.

Nightmares usually of him shouting at me and that fear I felt.

They have gone on for around 2 months now, every day, some days they come and go all day, some days it’s just for an hour or two in the morning.

It’s the trauma working its way out.

Domestic abuse is full of brainwashing and starts with coercion.

We become like a zombie and it takes time to get back to normal thinking, eating and sleeping patterns.

I try and have a strict routine to deal with the destabilising effect of PTSD flashbacks but some days it just feels way too intense, like you’re back there in the room with that monster who tricked us into loving and trusting them.

Wholefood diet helps and fruit and green veg. Helps the body heal from all the stress.

I can’t wait for these flashbacks to calm down.

I was stalked for nearly 2 years by that abusive man, so it’s obviously taking longer than I thought to get over it.

Shocking how long it takes to unbrainwash ourselves and find ourselves again after they used and abused us.

I find the future faking the worst bit in the end.

Here’s to not having flashbacks one day 🙂

[Chocolatebunnie]

Funduro that’s really sad to hear you struggling I hope you’re getting therapy to deal with the traumatic experience you’ve been through.

You are right about future faking and all we ever want is to just be happy. That Carrot dangling in front of us all the time.

I hope things will become better soon, as you say it’s working it’s way out.

Stay strong and hugs to you

X*x

[Watersprite]

Hey CB that’s not ok for your children hard as it may sound to you it’s abuse 😢. Keep moving forwards with your plans with support from services – you and your precious children deserve to be free and safe
Funduro it sounds like you have some good strategies in place s🫡therapy can be helpful have you tried trauma focused or EMDR? No one would offer me that whilst he was stalking but now things are better I’ve had some therapy it was really helpful take care both x

[Chocolatebunnie]

Waterspite thank you, you are right but I’m so used to how things are I see it and then my brain just wipes it away. It all comes flooding back though when things are bad again

CB x

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