Viewing 8 reply threads
  • Author
    • #5780

      Why are nights so hard? I spend all day running around looking after the children, then once they’re in bed that’s it. My head starts running away with its self thinking about all he did and still is doing. Then I think about how much I miss him although I know the man I miss isn’t the man he was. My head starts spinning. I’m trying so hard to get some counciling for myself, but every time there’s an obstacle in the way normally childcare. I feel like after x amount of weeks out of my marriage I should be over it sometimes I feel like everyone else thinks I should be over it and are sick of hearing about it all, but I feel like I need to talk about it, I’m still trying to process it all, and I need to process it because I’m still trying to rationalize that it wasn’t that bad it was my fault it can’t have been what it was because he was is my husband. And it always gets me every night. Sorry I have ranted on.

    • #5781

      Good evening to you I too find eves so hard we are so busy in the daytime our minds at occupied the quiet of night time triggers our minds to work overtime I think
      Try a warm bath with candles to relax you
      It wasn’t your fault it was him and it takes time to process all
      Don’t be too hard on your self it’s still early days
      Take care of you HC x

    • #5782

      Thank you HC it is when it’s quiet. Once the children are asleep that’s it my brain goes into overdrive I am doing the freedom programme which is starting to help.

    • #5787

      Hi, nights can be hard especially if you aren’t sleeping very well. I find that I am okay until I stop and rest which of course I have to do at some point.

      You can’t rush your healing, you will get better gradually over time, in your own time.

      I believe the thoughts going round in your head are called mind chatter. At least that is what other people on here call it. It is a way for your mind to process what you have experienced. I found it really hard but it does gradually subside over time. I think minimising and rationalising is pretty common too.

      I hope you got some sleep.

    • #5797

      Hey hun
      How about giving yourself a break 🙂 as you say you are only weeks out of it so after all the business of your day you are bound to start thinking a lot during the quiet times. I have found posting on here in the early days, these lovely ladies are great receivers of a rant or two! I also found writing it all down quite theraputic, I mean writing down all of the abusive things that happened so you can somehow get them out of your head. Use it to look at in future if you you start minimising his behaviour.
      I agree talking it through with a counsellor and joining the freedom programme have been the best way to process my trauma but be mindful that it may take a while to improve as you may discover lots more to think about. Best wishes x

    • #5823
      Twisted Sister

      these quiet times are your brains time to do all the processing as the other wise ladies say.
      It drives you nuts and depending on what you’ve been through and for how long and the depth of it all will affect how long it goes on for, but now you are free to process all this clutter and clap-trap created around you during the relationship. Your head was in a spin during the relationship, but only now are you free to listen to that continual spin of thoughts, it will start to settle, but how long it will take depends on how much time and peace you have and how quickly you can resolve it with your own answers (from places like Freedom Programme and education, validation and support).

      Its VERY early days, you may well wish to now get on with your life, which you can, but you all also need to take the time to process what you all just experienced, at each and everyone of you’s pace 🙂

      Very annoyingly and conflictingly! you will also be missing and grieving. Very hard. Very conflicting.

      So glad you were brave enough to post your thoughts on here, writing them down and getting some replies really can help with the processing and having that place to bring those racing thoughts can help with the stopping them spinning as you get resolution and work through the layers that will keep being revealed until its over and you are healed, and oh so much wiser to them!

      Warmest wishes to you .

    • #92603

      Thought I’d resurrect this topic, I’m finding I’m unable to stay asleep again. Been over 6 month’s since I’ve gone. I’m not aware of anything chattering away. Could it be because Christmas is coming up,funny thing is I’m actually looking forward to it a lot more than I thought I would, considering everything that’s happened since the beginning of the year. I don’t miss my ex, I no longer play over what he said and did, I just can’t stay asleep. I’m still in refuge accommodation, just waiting for the council to find me somewhere. Maybe it’s just that needing to lay down roots that’s getting me antsy,who knows.
      Best wishes to All
      IWMB 💞💞

    • #92638

      It’s been about the same amount of time for me too, and it’s been over a year since I had a good night’s sleep. It’s a combination of nightmares, not being able to fall asleep and waking up every time I hear a noise. I went to my GP and was given medication but it’s not working, it just makes me sleep all day while still being awake all night. Hopefully you’ll find it easier once you have your own place x

    • #92875

      Aw thank you. As you can see it’s after 1am and I’m still awake, it’s bordering on the ridiculous again😏

Viewing 8 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content