No contact

[lilaclady]

I am separated from my husband he has become increasingly verbally abusive since the split and since talking about working out fincancss etc. I didn’t do no contact for a while but now I see it’s the only way. He has been sending nasty emails all week and took money out of the joint account only to then put it back a few hours later and deny it happened. Now he’s being Mr Nice Guy. And I know this is to try and make me feel guilty and reel me back in. But can any of you who have done no contact how did you do it? Literally not respond? We have a child so sometimes I do have to contact him. And mostly my nanny does changeovers so I don’t have to go to my old home etc. and get caught into his stuff which has happened many times before. I am about to action a lawyer and my ex of course is saying how unreasonable I am being, I won’t sit down and talk with him and I am pushing him into a corner so of course I look like the bad guy!!

[KIP.]

Total no contact. Can you use the nanny as a buffer regarding child access. He can txt her and so does not have to contact you? Or a relative he can text then they can pass on a message if it’s urgent regarding child. I think he’s going to empty the joint account. That’s what mine did and he’s drawing your attention to it. I’d be very concerned. His use of language. Pushing him into a corner. That’s him teeing up you to blame for his actions. You pushed him into a corner so he can justify what he is about to do. Please be very careful.

[KIP.]

I text mine do not contact me unless it’s an emergency about our child. Of course he kept on texting and the texts got threatening when I would not respond. I blocked him eventually. It’s hard because it brings anxiety initially but it is so worth it.perhaps you could text something like do not contact me. Contact x person instead if there is an emergency about our child. I will not respond to any further communication unless it’s through a solicitor?

[White Rose]

No contact is the real answer but i know its virtually impossible when there is a child involved. If you “need” to have phone/text contact with him for emergencies about child and can’t rely totally on nanny, why not get a cheap pay as you go phone just for child contact? That way you can avoid seeing his messages on a daily basis and are less tempted to look at them. You can turn it off when your child is with you. My child was a lot older than yours I suspect, so contact was decided by her – initially 50/50 then gradually she stopped going to his home. We needed some contact as she has quite a significant health problem and there were treatments/ hospital visits to organise etc.
The separate phone worked for me as he didn’t accept the concept of “leave me alone” I blocked his number on my other phone and checked the “child care phone” once a day – the rest of the time it was off -unless our child was at his. To be honest I think he got bored in the end as I never responded to anythng he sent other than yes and no where response was needed about child, and there was never a true emergency that needed more.
Keep positive. It does get easier – honestly x*x

[lilaclady]

Thanks ladies! He is definitely doesn’t accept the concept of leave me alone either! The nanny can indeed be a buffer which is great I am getting her to do the changeovers and she’s really good about everything. You’re right KIP he is COMPLETELY teeing up using me to blame for his actions. Saying I am the one pushing us down (detail removed by moderator). And his family seem to be believing his story about it all. They have really frozen me out it seems but I told myself I cannot change what they think up to them and if they want to believe him fine. I know I simply cannot sit down and work through this with him as he is completely irrational. I need a lawyer in my corner. My ex says he wants to be amicable with me which I do not believe for one second. My father is currently visiting and my MIL demanded to see him and my Dad said he’s going and he wants to set her straight on a few things he has seen whilst he has been here. She basically thinks her son is the golden boy and can do no wrong. Yeah the son that has also been nasty to her in the past.

I don’t know why this bothers me but it does currently I feel really REALLY worried (detail removed by moderator) I just feel like I am playing into his story of oh look told you she’s a total gold digger and then it validates his rubbish. Yet I know like I said before I cannot NOT have one!

I really hope this does get easier! I’m holding on to that day when I am free and all of this is done.

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