No contact

[Peacethroughhealing]

So this is the furthest I’ve gone in my mind where I don’t want to be with him anymore. We haven’t had contact for (detail removed by moderator) now and then I wonder why is he not getting in touch with me – has he just moved on after all the abuse…can he be that shallow. I was the love of his life once, I helped him stop drinking. Did he just use me. He did a lot for me in the beginning and he has been supportive. I can’t help but blame myself for things. I know I don’t deserve to be screamed at and grabbed by the throat but I am not perfect either by any stretch. You start to doubt yourself because he has become such a different person. The love has been stripped and he has done some things that have totally disrespected me. I have anger in me which I know is a good thing because hopefully it will keep me away from him. I just wonder why he’s not come to find me but then he is still in my head even with no contact. I went to the police about him a few weeks ago and I haven’t heard anything and then I wonder what if he’s been approached and I’ve not been made aware of it. I have an incident card but I’m scared to call up to ask because part of me doesn’t want anything else to happen but then I also don’t want him to get away with it either but at the end of the day it is his word against mine and he is clever so what good would involving the police do (which I have already done). Maybe they will not follow things up as it has been a month now. I want him out of my head – I still miss and love him despite what he’s done and how he has disrespected me. He has got into my head…

[KIP.]

These abusers follow a pattern. In the beginning they mould themselves into what they think we want. I thought I’d found my soulmate, he worshipped me, everything I liked, he liked. He rushed into intimacy (raped me) he proposed marriage told me he loved me. All within weeks of meeting. It was overwhelming and trapping. Then once you’re hooked into fantasy, slowly and insidiously the real predator appears. It’s beyond painful to realise you’ve been abused by someone you love and thought loved you in return. What made me believe it was reading Living with the Dominator and reading the other posts on her which follow the exact same pattern. I thought it had only ever happened to me. That I was the only one in the world. Shame on them x

[diymum@1]

i had a picture of myself in my head as if i were the only person left in the world – thats how it felt like an apocalyps – how rediculous do i sound? how do you explain that to the people you love around you. they do get into your head – they say put downs stay in your mind way longer than any compliment – that human nature – to be subjected to abuse over many years no wonder we feel the way we do. dont torture yourself – have you tried meditation or mindfulness when his voice creeps into your head. i try to dispell any thought like this these days. it does get easier to manage with time and when you find a solution to dissipate your thoughts xx love diymum

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