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”We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they’ve caused but they are never going to listen and if they do, they don’t hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of “No Contact.” You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs – “Go to the Devil.” No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful n**********c injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word.”
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I remember how hard it is, and the feeling of utter despair when I gave in. When I handed him back the power and control. Only to have to pick myself up and begin again. Delete and block all numbers and contact details which makes it even harder to contact him. Hang in there. It really is worth it and speeds up recovery to the day where you don’t even give him a second thought. Baby steps and keep moving forward. You deserve better ❤️
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Hi KIP,
I agreed that we want closure, we want to be heard, I know in my nearly decade of my relationship with him is just to be heard, for him to say sorry for beating me and get the t that beating is not acceptable, I fight for my right but years of fighting didn’t work , at the end I lost myself, I questioned my own self, wondered if I’m deserve it, started believing his words. I’m useless, sick in my head and he didn’t give a two f**k about me.
I went no Contact since I found this forum and my life changed but as his words stuck in my head and being with him for long years sometimes I miss and try to know things about him and trust me everytime I broke the no contact it’s hit me so hard. No we will never get closure by contact him or even hear a thing about my ex.Hugs
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Hi Kip,
The biggest fear residing in the black hearts of abuser’s as far as I’m concerned is to be IGNORED. When I totally ignore the ongoing onslaught from the monster I am still under the same roof as it does his head in. It’s taken a long time for me to develop this skill – and it’s not one that came naturally to me.
He’s full of fear in my ability to ‘not care’ anymore what vile abuse comes out of his mouth.
I am taking that minute piece of control back whilst under a sea of chocolate love bombing to placate me for the past 10 days of hell – he can get to F with that…I’m not interested.
I cannot go to a Refuge – it would mean giving up my job and I’m not prepared to do that – ie HE wins again – so I am saving up bit by bit towards my freedom…will take months but my eye is on the long game – as for contact with it once I leave…N E V E R…I could care less if he sends a 1000 emails/texts or whatever – there will be ZERO response from me…he killed it – not me…love does not exist in fear..
Sending you a hug.
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I’ve tried to go no contact before and failed my ex is a very heavy drinker and would turn on the charm when sober so for years I thought he was just a nasty drunk as he wouldn’t remember the next morning. Since we split he is drinking even more and that’s spurring me on he uses it as an excuse to abuse me and I’ve just had enough I want so much more now. I want to feel free of him and o know this is the way I get that
Big hugs xx
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Yes, for years I believed it was the alcohol causing the abuse until women’s aid pointed out that he can drink around other people and not assault or abuse them! I spent years trying to help him with his ‘alcohol problem’. Nothing changed. (detail removed by Moderator) Mine still drinking to excess but it’s not my problem anymore. Yay…..
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