No contact how long?

[Kaza]

Hi Ladies

I wondered if anyone had any advice. I am struggling with the no contact rule. I am on my second day. I wondered if anyone knew a rough guide as to how long in time until I can do no contact easily. I know its like asking how long is a piece of string, but I was thinking is it going to take days, weeks, months or years. I just need a goal to aim for. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

[lover of no contact]

Hi kaza,

Well done for taking the Power by going no contact. I can’t say how long it will take for you to feel better after getting him out of your system by going No Contact but soon enough you should feel better in yourself and your sense of self will improve. Think of it like this, he is poison and any contact with him is like ingesting poison. How long his poison takes to leave you I can’t say but day by day your system will feel better. You could mark each day of No Contact on a calendar. Its very encouraging to see the days adding up away from him. No Contact by you towards him will weaken him and strengthen you.

Keep taking it One Day At a Time and post here if any cravings to contact him are overwhelming.

Also google the No Contact Rules. They are very good and it was a nice bit of revenge for me to think it was the greatest injury you could bestow on an abuser was indifference/couldn’t care less attitude and going No Contact.

Revenge is sweet. Get revenge by going No Contact. You are saying by your No Contact that the game is up with you. Your No Contact speaks volumes to him that you see him as he truly is, he can’t pull the wool over your eyes no longer.

[Kaza]

Thank you so much Lover of nocontact. I find your words inspirational and I am going to save your reply and keep looking at it. It really helps and gives me strength.

Thank you so much

[lover of no contact]

Kaza, I’m glad my experience of going No Contact helps. Something I read once ‘Silence is the ultimate weapon of control’.

Let your silence do the talking. Your silence (No Contact) will send a very loud message to him indeed.

[Nova]

Hi Kaza…Lonc is right and its tough and absolutely 100% effective!

I read this about it…
(Direct quote removed by moderator). 

keep going! & post on here any time day & night…we are with you all the way

Cxx

[Anonymous]

Hi Kaza I really struggled with the no contact rule, it took me months, I’ve been a couple of months now & still struggle but am determined no contact ever again. I am pretty certain now that the no contact rule sound also apply to anyone who you don’t completely trust,and to keep as private as you can, others who more often than not who do not believe us never will. Leave those people behind. After years of suffering abuse I learnt that people do not change. I gave always been terrified of losing I people I love & care about panicked too, the truth is in your darkest times those who truly care will never walk away, those who do let them walk & don’t call them back. Those who truly care will always find the time to come to you, they are the people who you need to see you through. Keep to the no contact with your abuser, I couldnt & it made things a whole lot worse x

[Kaza]

Thank you all for your advice. Its day six of no contact for me and I am really struggling. I keep reminding myself of the awful things he did to me. I hate feeling like this. I feel so depressed and lonely. I live alone and have no friends. Keep thinking what is he doing. Wish I could be hypnotized so he never existed. I have put loads of weight on since I met him and know its through comfort eating.

x*x

[lover of no contact]

Hi kaza,

You are doing really well. Keep going. It will get easier. Feeling lonely is also one of the feelings I had to sit with after I has chosen to go no contact with him. The loneliness feeling was huge and overwhelming and felt like a void and feeling empty and no buzz in my life. Everything felt flat and kind of boring and meaningless. Even though I relished the absence of the drama, the chaos and the unmanageable life.

However these feelings do pass. I felt if I sat with the feelings and didn’t run from them that I knew there was ‘healing’ going on for me. And the next time ‘the loneliness feelings’ were triggered, they did come back but not as strong as before, and they left me quicker.

I find walking an hour a day helps with my weight and my feelings. Its hard to be motivated to walk but one I started it became a habit and at least I was getting out and seeing people and animals/wildlife and nature.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Kaza,

You’re doing great with the no contact, just take it one day at a time so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. The ladies here have posted some great advice including marking it on a calendar, I think I will try that myself.

Do you have some outlets for all your feelings? I think this helps a lot, such as journaling, support groups, helplines, painting as well as walking etc.

Do you have old friends you lost contact with due to him? I had lost touch with lots of friends. After I escaped I contacted all of them and told them everything and they have been incredible and have supported me lots. If there really is nobody you can contact from your past could you try a support group in your local area?

It’s really really hard, I’m in the same place as you. Just think that these abusers are dangerous for us emotionally and physically and we don’t need people in our lives like that. We 100% deserve to put ourselves first and be surrounded only by people who love and uplift us.

Also, look up ‘hoovering’ on google – it’s when they get in touch and try to make you break no contact to draw you back in. If you can be prepared for this it will greatly help, my abuser has started hoovering me and it’s upsetting but I’m just continuing no contact and will continue to do so.

[Author]

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