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I know the only way to start breaking bonds/healing from an abusive relationship is to go no contact. Personally the thought of that terrifies me though.
I wonder if that is because in our relationship my partner has often bombarded me with lots of texts if he’s annoyed sometimes or written in cap locks so as to shout. Called me etc. Then sometimes will be angry if I miss the call. I don’t like answering the phone to him around other people just in case. When I’m not with him I’m often on alert to make sure I can hear my phone if it goes off or I check it a lot in case he has tried contacting me.
He has also sent me countless bombardments of angry texts/calls in the past when I’m at work but I obviously can’t respond.If he then just suddenly can’t contact me at all (and I’ll have left him so he’ll be absolutely furious/broken/devastated) then I’m scared of what might happen.
Also, is it wise to block numbers as wouldn’t you need evidence of any nasty, abusive or threatening messages that will no doubt be sent? If the number is blocked those messages won’t be received.
I haven’t actually left yet but this is something that is giving me anxiety to be honest.
Does anyone feel/has felt the same or am I just worrying and overthinking about things that haven’t even happened yet?
Happy sunday everyone x
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He’s programmed you so well. And you explain it so well. Read it back like it’s someone else’s post. I was extremely anxious blocking him but that came after his abusive texts. You can change your number. I had to block him for five minutes at a time and build up to any length of time. Eventually I completely changed my number because the anxiety was too much when my phone rang. I was worried that when he couldn’t contact me by phone he would turn up in person. So that’s why you have security measures in place and even the police in my case. But yes we do overthink when our safety is paramount. But you shouldn’t have to be risk assessing everything in your life. That’s not how caring relationships are. His behaviour has become your normal and it’s destroying your mental health.
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Like kip said just try for a few minutes at a time, nothing bad will happen in a few minutes. All those feelings you’re talking about i still feel like that after a lot of years. My youngest begged me to unblock him so I have but I know there’ll come a time when I need to block him again and I can feel the anxiety rising in me just thinking about it.
You won’t need nasty texts as proof of anything his behaviour and any outbursts about not being able to contact you and name calling will be in front of other people.
I used to have a phone where numbers were just blacklisted and I could read messages in my own time …not his. That gave me a few feelings of control but now I just see that I was using his nastiness as a rid to beat myself with.
Block him. It’s the best thing for you. Forget about his feelings he’ll feel whatever he wants if you do it or not. Stay safe lovely one 💜 -
You’re thinking ahead, anticipating his behaviour, finding ways to keep yourself protected the best way you can. This is very smart 👍
Could you get a second phone number?
The new one just for you, your loved ones and the rest of the world.
The old one just for him. So you can save those nasty abusive texts and future ones as evidence.You don’t ‘have’ to go no contact you know, going no contact should be for your benefit, giving your mind a much needed break from his constant complaints and mind games.
You can go Grey Rock to ease into No Contact. Look up the term. Both methods are meant to give you back control over your interaction with him. 😘 -
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