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I have lots of pictures on my PC and I look at them regularly. I still cannot believe what happened to me. He seemed to be the man of my dreams when I met him. And then it ended with my life in serious danger. It still does not make sense to me, despite everything that I have learned since then.
That’s why I look at the pictures …
I wonder how I could have gone so wrong, from an independent woman to someone crippled with self doubts and fear, not seeing the signs and loving this man so much.
He had such a grip on me, he was in my brain. I forgot all about myself and made him the centre of my life.
I learned so much since this relationship ended and I changed as a person.
But the trauma stays with me 24/7. It adds to the hurts I had already received before.
I stare at these pictures sometimes in disbelief that this was another horrendous time of life. As if it had not been enough what I had been through before. That makes me wonder what comes next. -
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I recently found an old phone and charged it because my son wanted to have it. I of course needed to check what was on it. I found some horrible manipulative texts from my ex and some really weird, angry-looking selfies he had taken on it. It was creepy but made me feel very pleased to be away from him as they show the real him. After the initial shock, I found deleting them quite therapeutic. I’m sad to have lost so many photos and videos of the kids when they were little but glad not to have reminders. We must keep looking resolutely forwards x
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Hi
I kept all our photos and look at it some times. I can see all the happy “picture” but then I know the realities behind those photos. I don’t want to changed anything as it is my history and it’s my right to keep it. I will definitely learn from it. I can remember all the sad story that not in the pictures, that how awful is our relationship. I was always walk in eggshells, never know his mood will be and try very hard to make him happy. I remember even when I take his pictures and didn’t look good he will be upset and blame me that I can’t take a good pictures!! So by looking at those pictures actually making me stronger, knowing that I had enough and I tried enough! -
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I have all of my adult life, (detail removed by Moderator) odd years thought eggshells were normal, THEY ARE NOT!!!!!!
What is normal is to feel calm, optimistic, balanced, clear headed and that is what you feel when you break away from these men and maintain no contact.
You might find it helpful to look at the thread: Its not right to walk on eggshells, feel fearful or anxious
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Again i have just accidentally seen another photo of me and my ex looking happy together. My pc hard drive is full of them it is hard to use it if you want to look at documents about other things.
It was very upsetting to see the photo, we both looked so happy and I think we were happy then.
But someone who loves and cares for you does not make you feel nervous, insecure, weak and confused. They don’t lie, withhold information and never apologize. These photo’s of us were taken during holidays that we took, I did 100% of the arranging and making them happen, he just attended. Most couples even if having problems can look happy in the sun surrounded by beautiful scenery can’t they. Plus this particular photo we were still in the love bombing stage, devaluation had’nt started yet. We had another holiday later & it were much more strained then, i remember some upsetting arguments.
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Hi HA,
My ex was a real fan of taking photos.
He was good at faking a smile for the camera.
He told me he used to show his customers photos of his family. I think this was to engender their trust, to make them think he was a trustworthy family man rather than the crook he was.
It was all about appearances.
I have recently deleted photos of him from my phone. I also found an old mugshot of him in my folder of passport documents. A photo he had taken some years back. He looks like a mafia crook or psychopath.
How could I have ever imagined that he had an ounce of beauty inside him?
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Thanks for your comments Serenity, my accidental viewing of these photos has ruined an otherwise lovely evening. Months after we split i am still questioning who & what I got involved with,all of those nice times that we had they now seem to be underpinned by deception on his part. How can a person act so comfortably with deceit & dishonesty, I don’t think he was with me because he liked me, it was the lifestyle that he liked. Neither of us are wealthy by any means, but we were able to have some holidays together. I made each of those happen, if we didn’t have the holidays i think we would have fizzled out months before. It struck me tonight that the day to day life of a functioning relationship, talking,listening, giving & taking just didn’t happen, we didn’t have those simplicitis. The basics which happen during a normal week were non existent. Holidays happen once a year, a strong healthy couple get along in the time between the holidays & if the holidays never happened.
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