No contact with kids

[Broken3]

I’m recently separated with my husband leaving me with 3 kids and no financial support (he is refusing). Despite leaving us for dead financially, he is still insisting on seeing the kids but this is inconsistent.

Due to the significance of the abuse and the impact it has had on the kids, particularly my eldest, I have been advised by multiple authorities and agencies to go no contact and leave it up to him to pursuit legal action (which I don’t think he’d ever put his hand in his pocket for).

This is what is best for my mental health at this moment and what’s best for the kids too as their behaviour is night and day for him leaving. However, I cannot help but worry that a day will come that they’ll hate me for not letting them see their dad or they’ll not understand that he is unsafe. Or that it’ll break my eldest’s heart not seeing him (even though seeing him is turning my lovely young boy into a hyper-active, dysregulated wee soul).

I was wondering if anyone has any outcomes of this that they could share to help me decide what is right?

Thank you so much

[browneyedmum]

I’ve not got outcomes… yet.

Its been difficult to get my ex to pay his part for the children since he’s left the matrimonial home to go live rent free elsewhere.

I also do fear for my children’s mental health a bit. But then also, I got introduced to an interesting phrase last week unexpectedly from a pop icon:

“The trash takes itself out”

My ex has been doing a GREAT job there. My oldest wants as little to do with him as possible. My youngest is struggling, but again, my youngest has a good heart where they like to see the best in people and is being emotionally manipulated by someone who’s decades their senior.

So I just keep all of that in mind and work the issues as they come.

My ex did have a child from a previous relationship who he’s sadly avoided, though I have a good relationship with that young person. My ex depended on that young person to maintain their relationship where he hasn’t put in much effort there (I did almost all the effort).

My local domestic advice support worker suggested that because my ex already has that sort of record with that young person, over time it’ll likely become the same for our children– i.e. my ex will lose interest.

I may well be happier for that outcome. It’ll just take time.

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