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My ex partner who I live with still, is refusing to talk to me for months now about selling the house and going our separate ways. He is extremely emotionally manipulative and n**********c and if I manage to force a conversation it’s often through a closed door , he will go off on multiple tangents that have nothing to do with what I’m trying to discuss with him and will end up walking out the front door or refusing to speak at all.
I feel like I am trapped, I set deadlines and he ignores them then at the very last moment he will make excuses that sound really valid but really they are wasting time. The only option I can think of is solicitors but that will cost me thousands
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I had a very similar story with a previous partner and ended up staying there for (detail removed by moderator), house was in joint names, he refused to leave and in fairness so did I because I knew he wouldn’t take on the bills, in fact for last few months he stopped paying all bills anyway. I don’t know if you own or rent, but at the time I owned that house with him and as much as I hated doing it I just had to start sale proceedings so we both ended up leaving. If you rent and it’s in joint names, you can unilaterally give notice, it doesn’t need to be joint. If he’s not named on anything then get the police to get him out. Obviously I know you want to stay in your home and moving is last option, have you looked into a non-molestation order? It’s a really hard situation to be in but you’ve got to do what’s right for you.x
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thanks @bananaboat, we joint own it, I want to leave by now for my own sanity, he won’t allow it to go on the market – can I put it on without his consent ? XX
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You need his permission or a court order to sell. Maybe a solicitor letter will focus his mind. Get some legal advice. Most offer free initial advice. Keep a detailed journal of his abuse and talk to your local women’s aid. I think your best move would be to have him removed by the police or court using a non molestation order or occupation order then it leaves you free to stay in the home and he’s much more likely to agree to sell if he’s not living there. In my opinion he’s going nowhere. Why should he? He’s got you there to torture and abuse. Why would he move out? Start keeping a detailed secret journal about all of his abuse and note it with your GP. living with an abuser when you’re ending the relationship is the most dangerous time for you so keep your phone on you fully charged at all times and be very careful.
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thank you @KIP, I have been writing it down, told my GP this week, and am taking steps with a solicitor as of today! Good advice re phone charge.
I always assumed when people said it was the most dangerous time.. that they meant physically. I’m definitely learning that’s not always true. psychologically it’s torture
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@whiskyrose OMG yes this⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Reading your reply above was a huge AHa for me. It truly is psychologically torturous.
After the abuse I received (detail removed by moderator) night I totally see him as he is and and yet can’t quite act on it. I never liked drama at school my goodness I’m in the running for an oscar right now.
Thank you, sending strength and peace and light xx
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@kitkat44 – it’s exhausting!!!
I knew what he was doing as he was doing it to me time and time again for over a year, though kept hanging onto the good times, it took way too many ‘crisis’ to act on it though I eventually reached a limit!
The more you pull away the more they try every tactic to ‘win’ because to them it’s about winning, even if in reality no one wins!
all the best, wish you lots of strength and love x
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