No escape

[Pseclover]

I wanted to come on for some support. I feel like I cannot escape my ex as we share children. One child doesn’t want to see him and refuses. He claims I’m using the kids to break the order. I really want him to see the kids but he does not believe that and is paranoid I am turning them against him. He tries to control everything and it’s exhausting. Now my daughter is getting anxious, he says that’s my fault. I’m trying to move on with my life but it’s like he wants to keep punishing me. Any advice on how to stay strong and cope with constant control and manipulation. His parents are also involved and accusing me of alienation.

[Lisa]

Hi Pseclover,

I’m glad you’re reaching out for support. Using the children to carry on control like this is very common behaviour from an abuser and I know a lot of the other women on this forum have experience of it. It’s always difficult when third parties, like his parents, are involved too.

It must be so hard seeing your daughter by impacted too. Is she getting any additional support with her anxiety? Her school might be able to offer some help if you feel comfortable speaking to someone there. Local domestic abuse services often have children and young people’s support around the impacts of domestic abuse, you could contact them to find out about support for her and also for you.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Pseclover]

The school are really supportive. My daughter won’t engage with any services so I’m trying to take some pressure off her. My ex and his mum had a meeting at my daughters school this week and I heard that hos mum and dad tried to have a meeting with the school without their son there! We don’t get anywhere with any of the professionals (school nurse, family support worker, mediator, counsellors, solicitors) we work with because his mum and him want to push their agenda which is usually that everything is my fault because I left the family home. I feel like I’ve exhausted all avenues.

[Author]

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