no happy memories

[Sleepy]

Hi,
I’ve suddenly realised, when I was asked yesterday if I had any happy memories of My time with my ex, that actually I didn’t. The best I could come up with that he Made great cooked breakfasts. No either I’ve blocked out the good memories and the bad ones came back first, or there were no good ones. I certainly can’t remember flowers, chocolates, Presents, etc whereas I can with other men I’ve had a relationship with. Can’t even think of any funny moments, in (detail removed by moderator)! Seems a bit odd! Anyway it’s making me feel pretty sad and wondering if what I thought was at least at first a Half decent relationship was just an illusion. Feels like I’m grieving for something I never had.
Have others experienced similar?

 

[Lisa]

Hi Sleepy

I just wanted to show you some support. Sorry to hear that it makes you sad that you did not have any happy memories, it doesn’t sounds like it was a healthy relationship at all. You deserve to be happy and hopefully now you can think about making plans for the future, and making lots of happier memories with family or friends instead now that you are free.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[iliketea]

What I like about this forum is at some point someone comes along and says exactly something that you have thought and maybe not said. I’ve thought this a lot. Im still in the relationship but planning the exit. But have been thinking the same. Sometimes it makes me wonder if its abuse because there’s never been an amazing loving time that balances the abuse and makes me stay (like some women say) but I’m still staying…..And then I wonder how did I end up with him or having children. So, yes, maybe there was but its blocked out by what came after? Sorry no useful insights except that I’ve thought the same so it must be a thing. Must be part of the abuse I guess. Blocking it out, or that it never was really amazing and relaxed and fun, but the fact it felt like it should be kept us trying to make it that way…make sense… my brain is trying to work out the psychology…hopefully someone cleverer than me knows the real answer.

[Sleepy]

Thanks for replies.
Yes I agree I don’t think it was healthy relationship in the first place.

my brains trying to work out the psychology too! Yes i was thinking that people had said stuff on here about the abuser being nice, buying flower etc. I can’t remember anything like that.
Just feeling so empty with it all today.
Hope you manage to exit Iliketea.

[Walkingonsunshine]

Hi Sleepy,

I do have happy memories, but my abuser never bought me flowers/gifts etc, He always used the excuse that men that did that only did it because they were cheating on their wife’s and girlfriends and they felt guilty. He was my first proper relationship so I didn’t know any different and believed him, I thought I was on to a winner 🙄

I Completely understand that empty feeling, it’s such a confusing time trying to make sense of it all. Have a look at the book list somewhere in the forum, I’ve read a couple and they’ve been amazing. Good Luck ☀️

[Sleepy]

thanks for the info about the book list

[Author]

Posts