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Nothing helps
Had aggression again this morning stuff thrown at me and more threats to harm me
I’m not going to post anymore as feel this does more harm to me emotionally
Just going to take what comes as outcome is prob already decided
Decades ! Of this
Stupid stupid woman I am
Brought it all on myselfHc
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Hi Hc, I used to dip in and out of here in the beginning. Just know we are always here for you and none of this is your fault. You will eventually reach a point where enough is enough and find the strength to walk away to a better place x you cannot go back and change the beginning but you can always change the ending x much love KIP
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It’s the way I brought him up been told
He doesn’t need me I been told
He hates me I been told
I live in the past I’ve been told
Can’t wait to not live with you I’ve been told
You will not no where we are living I’ve been told
In between all this he said sorry for waking you which is how this started
Have told him to just get on and do your worstFeel physically sick
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Hey HC, me too, I used to dip in and out to begin with, went through phases of thinking I don’t want to go on it anymore, just take the time you need but know we are here if you ever feel like posting anything. Not sure if this is your partner or your son, but I’ve lived through either of what you’ve described and understand full well how dreadful it is dealing with a manipulated, angry child or an abusive partner; it feels like you are getting the abuse with both barrels, because you are. It’s a lot, even too much to take at times, remove yourself and give yourself what you need here and the rest can wait or sort its self out hey x
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I think to and I feel like this – that I’m scared to vent or ask for help because I’ve been made to feel like I’m burdensome xx on here NEVER feel like that not with us. That’s conditioning talking and I hear this in you in the very same deep down I will always feel this way. Your not alone and your worth as much as any other individual XX your still working and dealing with all this for the second time but this times it’s your own flesh and blood xx in the same ❤️It’s hard but please keep going if you don’t give up being persistent can really pay off xx were here I don’t always know what to reply to some off the posts on here xx sometimes I can’t get my head round why people have to be so cruel xx but know we are thinking of you and we’re not going anywhere xx 😘
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He has cut me so deep for so long
Did say you don’t do this outside these walls so you know it’s wrong
If it was because of way I brought you up you would do it to all you meet everywhere
Hate asking for help but today I am broken
Sobbing all afternoon
Whilst he out pretending he mr nice guy
Why is he so cold hearted ?
I’ve lost my way again today he keeps jnocking me off my feet with this
Threw stuff at me in kitchen tipped my drink down the sink slid a heavy object across the floor that nearly took me clean off my feet
Called him violent !
I’m making same mistakes I did with abusive partner !!!Pathetic and weak
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It’s a really difficult situation to manage HC; have you tried removing yourself completely and not engaging at all? Although sometimes they cant seem to cope with this and pull you back in or hound you; when this happens I stay still and don’t respond, occassionally saying I will respond when you are calm.
I would try to revisit it when all is calm again with him, set it up first though, can we both talk calmly about what happened now? I think it’s important we do, to clear the air and think about what happened. Focus the disucssion on his behaviour, try not to say you, as this feels like finger wagging, I felt this, this leaves me thinkin this, this behaviour is not accepted in civilised society, would help if you can respond in a non violent way to your anger, control your emotions as you need to do this in life and in all relationships.
Do you like having a bath? Maybe run yourself a hot bath with bubbles or do something that helps you de-stress, relax, restore some calm; bet you’re worn out x
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Have tried not responding get called rude and all you then get is goaded and goaded to get a response
Has admitted he does it to provoke me into a reaction when he orders me around
Has always refused to talk after each outburst just says don’t wanna talk about it
His latest is no point talking it will only happen again !!Feel he is deluded denied he threatened to stab me reckons it never happened
I must be a liar thenHave said to him I will call the police on him before long as all he does and says to me is very wrong
Maybe I should have already done soI am paralysed and in pain and feel like I have been kicked round the room and he hasn’t laid a finger on me
Hc
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I think the main problem here hc is that your son thinks that he is entitled to do this to you. He saw other people do this to you but that’s then being entitled and controlling too. You can’t help who you meet ur not to know they’re going to be abusive and unfortunately we’re not born with the knowledge that kids learn this. We’re all in same boat I will admit I do still feel at times this happened because I let it. But the rational side of me knows this behaviour wasn’t passed down the generations from me or you xx I think this is what needs to sink in for you to be able to get rid of the guilt u feel. I get this deep down u think you deserve this ? But u don’t ur not the source of this XX his father is and ur sons choices XX
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He has very high entitlement
Even from an early age
I have thought for some time he is a na*c
And new this day of being put on scrap heap surplus to requirement as he puts itI never had my mum there emotionally and it’s all I ever wanted so just don’t get how you can choose to not have your mum in your life
All I’ve ever wanted was the best for him and to be happy but this has come at a big cost to pay for me
The guilt I carry is immense and the fear is equally as high
Friend today said to me they think the house is just there’s think she right
Today I do feel I deserve this from him he had pulled out all the claws and stuck them firm in my heart.
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Try to do some daily affirmations saying this was beyond my control this was not my fault – your not abusive! You want the best for ur son xx it’s hard but through everything I’ve learned through all of this is u have to know you have intergrity you did ur best that’s all u can do. To move forward you have to believe I’m yourself and that u will be ok. I have my moments but this is the mind set I try to adopt xx I lost my daughter at 17 she had zero respect for me same senario. What is the alternative you have to keep going xx 😘❤️❤️
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I would call 101 and ask for ‘advice’ HC if you think / feel it needs a police intervention here, they may be able to explain to him what he needs to take onboard, sounds like he’s not listening to you, wont discuss it with you, but he wouldn’t be this way with a policeman would he. This copper may spell it out to him how he needs to behave and what will happen if his violence escalates; remember, they are there to help not just to punish – might be worth a try. He needs to sort himself out, but he also needs to be the one who wants to do it hey, you cant make him, its got to come from him and at present he’s only blaming you.
Sounds like he hasn’t developed empathy, this could be for a number of reasons – I would be inclined to get him in with the GP about this, no arguement, go together, you can say his lack of empathy is concerning you, he has anger issues and a sense of entitlement. Say that maybe you’d like him clinically assessed? To see if there is anything more going on other than adolecence.
Because him kicking the gate posts (you), opposing the rules and the boundaries is normal to a degree, as he is in a period of development where he is learning about who he is, what is my identity. It helps greatly when they go through this to have two parents, atm you are dealing with this alone, you can’t play good cop and bad cop because there is only you, and this method can help a lot. one parent to take the brunt, and the other to offer emathy and a solution. There’s no one here to give you some let up, take the reigns and deal with it, switch with is there.
He could do with some counselling, as he needs to be learning emotional intelligence; how to respond to his emotions, which includes his anger – as this needs to be in a non violent way doesn’t it. He needs to learn how to better control his emotions, identify what they are and what needs to happen – because it sounds to me like he’s emotionally not matured yet – but then if he’s in adolescence he wont be will he, but because he already has emotional difficulties due to his dad’s behaviour? Makes it complex, usually means they get stuck in their developement here, are emotionally immature for their age; so he needs professional help to overcome and achieve this; I’d be inclined to call NSPCC, see if they can help – much quicker than a CAMHS referral but the GP may want to refer him here, do both, see what comes through first. You coud see if you still need the CAMHS referral when it comes through; there are also childrens charities offering counselling that you could explore.
Underneath all this anger and emotion, is a child with low self esteem, so he needs a boost here before he can think about how better to respond to his emotions; when we feel good about the self we make much better choices – which counselling would help him with.
If I were you, I would also be thinking about how I could punish him for not speaking to you with respect. I’d give him a warning, I would say, the very next time you speak to me without respect, I will be doing x, you’ll likely find this has to happen a vast number of times before he starts to get it – you must follow through though every time and stick with it. I remove my daughter’s xbox or phone, had to do it loads to start off, not so much now. If its for 2 days then carry this out, if its a week then make sure it is for the whole week, no negotiation.
If you can walk away, walk off, go somewhere, even if it is for a walk round the block when he is kicking off, this could help, reinforcing that you will only respond when he is calm and can talk to you with respect, again, over time this could help, like you say, he goades, wants a reaction, wants to wind you up – so dont give him this, eventually he will come to see what he is doing is futile.
Its hard, I know it is, I lived through it, takes time, feels liek tis making no difference for ages, only it is, because eventually they do start to get it. It is incredibly challenging to deal with, so please try not to beat yourself up. Can leave a person feeling utter desperation – when you feel like this call the Samaritians to express how you feel, so you can let it go, get what you need x
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He is an adult with his own child so most of your great suggestions are to far past sadly
Have thought about Phoning 101 just for me and my welfare not him
He has to want to sort this out you are right but I doubt this happening as he doesn’t see a prob especially as in his head I am to blame
Have spent many years covering him for fear he would be taken away as a child
Bringing him up alone
No wonder he says it’s how I brought him up
Tried to be all he needed was the only consistent one around
So insulted to hear him say I’m not needed
A normal healthy relationship the parent would only want this for there child to grow meet someone and build there own life
You never no when you need someone so don’t treat this way now then expect them to still be thereThere relationship is toxic and will prob not last as was built on im pregnant you in or not !! Didn’t even no each other
He has to find this out for himself
I’m not caring for me right now and somehow I have to sort this first
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