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Hi all, not sure why I’m posting just feel I need to get stuff off my chest. Myself and husband are separated, I have an intridict and exclusion order in place. He went to counselling, on antibiotics and stopped drinking – so far he has only stuck at 1 of 3. Part of his counselling help he asked me to write and explain what he had put me through, I agreed if it would help him but took me (detail removed by moderator) to do as reliving what my best friend/husband put me through was hard. He asked for us to do marriage counselling but I refused as couldn’t see it helping us and after reading posts on here I’m glad I never. Anyway long story short he got it in his head we were getting back together, until he received the solicitor letter chasing up my divorce proposal. He changed, horrible to nice and vice versa. Kept telling me he loved me, couldn’t be without me and was wanting to die if I wasn’t in his life – all the while he is texting/seeing another woman!! Now anything I do he does something in retaliation. I was meant to go on holiday, he found out so (detail removed by moderator) later he’s in a relationship, I blank him when he accosted me while out walking the next day a picture of him and her on his Facebook page. He’s now going nuts because his money for our mortgage hasn’t come out of the bank calling me all sorts for stopping payment…. yesterday was a bank holiday so no money going in/out of banks. He never thinks just jumps to conclusions. I thought now that he is in a relationship he would want ‘rid’ of me but is not progressing the divorce (telling our sister in law if I want one I can do it he’s not), he’s not agreeing to anything with the sale of the house, constant stalling and when he messaged my solicitor the other day about his stuff he kept going on about something I put in the letter to him about how he treated me.
How has everyone else dealt with in delays from ex’s? I’ve now blocked him off everything which has infuriated him even more. He was my best friend for so long and we did everything together but ** years ago he changed moods, tempers, blanking behaviour, threats and verbal abuse all got worse. I know I have done the right thing leaving and not going back but it’s hard. -
You can never be friends with an abuser. You get to see the real side of them when you cross them. You’ve done the right thing by blocking him on everything. It’s frustrating but he is looking for a reaction from you. Don’t give him one. My story is just like yours. I let the solicitor deal with him. Make sure your solicitor is experienced in dealing with abusers. She needs to put time limits on correspondence for his reply and be prepared to get the court to order the sale etc and threaten him with paying the extra cost incurred. Any excuse he will use to abuse you. The money thing is a just an excuse so it’s best that you have zero contact. Bringing another woman into things is called triangulation. It’s designed to make you jealous and come running back to him. Well done for running the other way. These men are so shallow, they don’t form a bond like we do. They can skip from partner to partner but it’s the control they can’t stand losing. Talk to your local women’s aid for support x it’s all very painful but with zero contact and time, you can recover from this and be happy again. You won’t always feel this way x good riddance to bad rubbish x
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Thanks, yes I realise now we can never be friends, took me a while to come to terms with the fact I was in an abusive relationship. His family life was never the best and always said he didn’t want the life his parents led, but I suppose you can only break those traits if you really want to. The bank money he went through my parents to get to me.
My solicitor has been fantastic she came highly recommended, I had an appointment with her booked before my local woman’s aid mentioned her. Both her and WA have kept me right with the process.
You are right about him not liking losing control of me, each time he gets communications from the solicitor he vents big style and puts spins on the truth to people to try and turn them against me, little does he know by doing this he’s just showing his true colours. Hopefully his new woman learns a lot quicker than I did as she has kids added into the mix from her previous relationships.
I know it will get easier in time just at the moment everything is so up in the air. -
Yes nothing moves quickly but just remember all the c**p he writes your solicitor will be charging you to read it. You don’t need him using the divorce as a way to continue his abuse through the legal system which is what mine did. Stick to the legal facts. Ignore everything else. You can use Claire’s Law to ask the police to warn his new partner of his abusive past.
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Yeah I was aware of that, However so far she’s been very fair with her billing. In recent communications with the solicitor he’s totally gone off kilter with things just to keep the communications going but she has always shut him down much to his annoyance. To be honest I think if I did that it would make him worse and the outcome for me too. He knows how and when to show his good side and when not too.
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Thank you Escapee, that truly means a lot. I have surprised myself too with the strength I have mustard up as long before now I would have been back. Anytime we fell out/finished etc it would last no more than a couple of weeks. I have remained calm in it all, held my dignity in not retaining to his Facebook rants for everyone to see and not replied to many of his messages when plenty of times I have wanted to let rip and tell things as they are – who knows after the divorce, house is sold and I’m finally free I may have my day of telling things how it has been. I always seen my private life as just that private. We have both been brought up so differently and I think he did enjoy the life we had but something always dragged him back to his family way of dealing with things – emotional, abusive and threatening behaviour 🙁
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His dad was the same, but I do know what you mean about him being an adult and making his own choices. Yes I gave him chance after chance and even had the hard neck to ask me to give him a second chance, forgetting I have given him plenty in the past and knew how the cycle would go, I just put an end to the cycle that I had become far to accustomed too. I will be putting me first from now on, thank you for your messages they have given me a boost to keep going on as I have 😀
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