No idea what to do

[Alittlelost]

I ended up talking with a police office last night after being detained for a suicide attempt. She told me she would keep what i said out of her records and off camera because i said i wasnt ready for offical police action. But when they swapped over officer shifts when she left me she said to me start next year yeh, u leave that abusive p***k. I said yeh and she left.

Now im home and he has gone away. Once agsin no card or present. Atleast theres no other punishments with him being here. He cant rape me if he isnt here.

But im left here suicidal and scared. Ive no idea what to do. I know if im going to make it out alive ( being with him makes me suicidal) then i need to leave but i also cant make myself leave. I have trauma bonding issues. Why cant i just go? I have no confidence of being able to cope alone. I cant even hold down a job because my autism.he has cared for me all these years. I have to decide how to end this situation. None the proffessionals ive attempted to talk to understand how hard this is. I feel a drastic measure is needed.

Having a hard day?! …. YES

[fizzylem]

Hey ALL, hang in there, we feel suicidal feelings when we feel deseprate and unable to cope – they do pass – dont they. I know this first hand. Call the samaritians to express how you are feeling. Sometimes all we need in these moments is an emotional outpouring, with someone kind and compassionate – the samaritians are great for this, I’ve called many times, always get what I need. It doesnt fix the cause no, only by removing yourself from this situation will put an end to it, but calling does give us what we need right now and they also help you to workout what needs to happen next.

Don’t give him this power; walkaway. Can you go and stay with a friend or family? x

[KIP.]

It’s important that you keep reaching out for help. Can you ring NHS24 and talk to someone about getting help? Once you’re away from the abuse, you become a different person again. You could work if you didn’t have an abuser dragging you down. Is it a joint tenancy. Is there any way you could have him removed? Do you have support from women’s aid. The national domestic abuse helpline is open 24/7. Rape crisis also have a helpline, please ring them too. Rape is illegal and unacceptable and destroys us. Being raped by someone we love and trust is a shocking abuse of our trust. It’s the abuse that makes us feel scared and alone but there is a good life out there away from an abuser x

[Alittlelost]

We still have another (detail removed by moderator) months tendency left. Its my responsibility to pay my half so i cant leave till the tendencey ends and i feel supper trapped now. I cant afford 2 lots of rents and i cant get him removed without bring in the law which i dont want or need.
Im going to stay with family tomro night but i cant go before then and they live many hours away too. Ive no friends here because we have moved around so much. Im so isolated.

[Alittlelost]

Alot proffessionals dont seem to understand you can be raped by your own partner or that it isnt that bigger deal because they are ur partner and u must be attracted to them. They have no idea how mych it rips me apart emotionally.

[fizzylem]

Perhaps you’re speaking to the wrong professional then ALL? Rape Crisis is who you need, they get it. KIPs right, there is new life waiting for you once you leave. Call WA for help as well, it sounds like you need a refuge to me. Stuff the tenancy, walk away, you can sort that out another time with support – you dont need to let this be a reason to stay – it’s not. So you just need to ride things out until you visit family tomorrow then. If you start to feel suicidal call the samaritians – or even if you just feel like you need to talk to someone – this is what they are there for xx

[KIP.]

You always have the support of this forum. Rape crisis will understand what you’re going through. The law says you can have an abuser removed from the tenancy so he is the one that has to leave not you when you’re ready. Abusers work hard to isolate us and keep us trapped. Little by little you will gather your strength. I’m on my own tonight too. Just chilling out in front of the tv. Peaceful and safe. Can you take your mind off things by packing and preparing for tomorrow’s journey? You must be exhausted after dealing with the police. Can you gather lots of cushions and pillows round you to hug and watch a movie. Anything to help you relax?

[Alittlelost]

I know im going to have to call a support line of some sort cos im driving myself insane but ive been trying to figure out who to call and what to even say for hours now. Ive been attempting to watch films on tv but i cant think straight. Im stuck in constant flash backs to of stuff said and done. I hate phone calls but its what i need do.

[fizzylem]

Yup, will give you the release you need, stop it all from going round and round in your mind – give you what you need – then you will be able to sleep, because you will be exhausted and the intense feelings you feel now will have been expressed and thus pass. Its totally confidential with the S, means you can really just let it all go and out as you dont need to concern yourself with holding back with the person on the phone, like you would with family. Its totes private x

[KIP.]

Don’t overthink. Find a helpline number. Tell yourself three, two, one and just do it x you won’t regret it x

[Alittlelost]

Oh c**p. I opened a box of biscuits we got given for xmas. I have no other food or money and i was stressed and opened and ate some. He will be furious with me when he comes back. Im too fat to eat buscuits and they will be his buscuits not mine.
Its so f*****g stupid its just a pack of cheap buscuits but he will be angry over it. Whatever i dont care anymore!!

[fizzylem]

Its Christmas Eve, you can eat what you like! Hope you enjoyed them. Dont get into it with him if he does x

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