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    • #5908
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      I saw another thread and responded but it was more about me, with similarities to the oginal posters thread, so thought i should post these things separately and wonder at all these thoughts:

      It wasn’t him it was me.
      I am wrong all the time
      I am enough to drive anyone to their extremes and to punish me
      No wonder he was soooo very stressed to death living with me
      I didn’t cope with ordinary life
      I am mad
      and its all my fault
      I am a horrible person and will never get anything right
      he’s a lovely guy was just in a bad relationship..with me

      so there’s my list of how it feels, oh and …
      it will never get better – living miles from home and loved ones with no hope of ever returning or moving forward 🙁

      so what you feel seems a bit like this too?

    • #5912
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      Karmasister

      I tell myself these things everyday.
      If I’d been a better person a better wife not said no been more willing to try things ect. If seems we take the blame for there behavior is it we are trained the fault is ours?

    • #5932
      Herindoors
      Participant

      They do train us to think this way – they tell us so many times that their issues are down to our behaviour when really our behaviour is due to their issues. In moments of clarity I would remember how I was before him and that I didn’t act like that, and now I am not with him, surprise surprise I am not acting ‘like that’. Its just so hard to see it while your head is full of him and now, afterwards, I am still really hard on myself and wonder if we were just two people who were not meant to be together. But does that mean that he was not meant to be a father, a brother, a friend and a son – because he treats everyone in his life the same way, to one degree or another. Keep having to stop and check myself and remember that its how he was, not how I was. Other people can’t see it as much because they didn’t get the full abuser but I know, deep down, it was him x*x

    • #5937
      Daisy
      Participant

      Karmasister,
      What can I say to help you shake off some of the frustration, confusion and hurt that you are taking all in on yourself, unjustly.
      I fail to see how someone as knowledgeable and understanding as you are can be wrong all the time,
      In his eyes maybe but It’s more like you aren’t even being given a single chance then, it’s irrational.
      When there’s no hope of getting through, save your energy for those that matter,and right now that’s you.
      limit as much as possible anything to do with him and his irrational, draining, soul sucking nonsense , where’s the glimmer of the old TS, hope you come back up fighting soon, figuratively speaking of course,
      and KS he’s far from a lovely guy if you have had to resort to “far from home and loved ones”
      X x x

    • #6018
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      whats the best thing that anyone has ever said to themselves to convince themselves it wasn’t all their own fault?

      Its so easy to see it for others, and yet so hard when its your own emotional mess that you are caught up in trying to reason with!

      I think i know that its irrational, unreasonable, nonsense only designed to terrorize.

      and so true Daisy, really far from lovely, its just so hard when so many it seems from the outside receive him as such. Its all the other compounding his own theories of self-loveliness that really challenge me when i’m already wobbling. The police, the courts, support services. (removed by moderators).

      Have had such amazing suport from some staff where i am, and it makes such a difference, but its still not reflected out there in the greater society and serves to inflict more damage to any exposed to it.

      thank you so much Daisy. and good to see you on here

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