- This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 8 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Something I dreaded when I told the police and my family about the years of abuse was being called a liar. He told me that nobody would believe me. Even though my son and stepdaughter seem to have sided with him, not one of them ever called me a liar. It’s shocking now to know they witnessed his abuse and weren’t in denial the way I was. My stepdaughter especially blames me for ‘the hurt I have caused’ but not once does she ever call me a liar. Victim blaming at its worst.
-
Hi Kip,
It sounds like your son and stepdaughter are still brainwashed by him, which must be painful to see. My ex was also an incredibly convincing pathological liar, who accused me of lying! It was one of the things that made me realise there was something seriously wrong with him because I am just not that kind of person. I don’t think anybody had accused me of it before him, because I am the kind of person that is honest to a fault and sometimes my honesty is even too much for people! They love to deflect their behaviour onto their victims, it’s a powerful tool in their toolkit of abuse.
I agree it’s awful being called a liar especially when you are a genuinely good, honest person who thought you were in a caring relationship. At least we know the truth and are free of them now.
-
Hello KIP,
Victim blaming is the final sting in the tail. It’s how wider society colludes with the abuser. It must be hard that your own son who witnessed the abuse has taken his side. It just Goes to show the power of brain washing that these abusers wield over people in their sphere of influence. Even facts get twisted and they take charge of what is true and what is not. Nobody is calling you a liar because they all know you are telling the truth- yet you get blamed anyway for the abuse. It’s like he has got into their brains. It is an epic battle you have on your hands. Keep going . X*x
-
They haven’t called you a liar because, deep down, they know that you are telling the truth.
The truth is so awful that they feel angry and scared that it’s been brought out into the open, but you did the right thing. That monster should never have caused you the pain that he did. He used his profession as a mask and thought he could get away with it. The world needs more whistleblowers.
Truth Sayers are often hated for speaking up, but the alternative is a world overrun by bullies. The world has many cowards: we rely upon the brave to keep true values going.
Under it all, your son and step daughter probably feel guilt about not been strong enough themselves to stand up to him and for you- if they are half decent people. Then of. Kurse there’s the fear: what he could direct at them if they don’t side with him. But at the end of the day, we need to be strong and courageous enough to stand up for what’s right.
As someone once said, all that is needed for evil to persist is for [ good] men to do nothing.
-
-
-
I never got called a liar by either of my abusers but my first abuser (ex husband who is father to my children) used to call me selfish all the time, and also tell the children I was selfish. He was a pathological liar as was the abuser who came after him.
It’s horrible when they brainwash your children against you and I think it puts a lot of doubt in children’s mind as to who is telling the truth. I think they probably know the truth deep down, but children of abusive men often have a need for love and approval and often the only way they can get it is to side with him against the mother. My children’s father has caused a lot of damage to my relationship with them because he has taught them to disrespect me and I think they believe some of the lies he has told them. My relationship with them is very strained.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
