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When I was a child after what happened, maybe even before? I can’t remember, because it was so long ago. I never got a cuddle when I needed it, never got told I was loved, always felt guilty like it was my fault what happened and that’s why no one loved me. It’s affected me all my life I am able to say this now. I tried to be the best loving mum I could be but I must have failed. I’m now also aware that all of this has affected my mental health. I couldn’t see it for years until I started to have problems with my husband I believed. But if I’m honest I asked myself what’s wrong with me, when I started to lose my relationship s with my grown up girls, after 3 lifetimes of loving them all. Now my past has ruined my future it feels.
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sending love and hugs, this sounds so tough. I hope you can feel the support for you here. Don’t give up, you are still on this journey, its not over yet.
warmest wishes
ts
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I can so relate! After a childhood of terror and fear its almost impossible to be able to parent the next generation. Are you still married and do you still have contact with your kids?
I am going for therapy and one of my goals is to get my mom out of my head and another is to give my children to opposite of what I got!
Are you getting any help?-
Hello Mom of two, hope your doing OK? I’m so sorry I didn’t get back to you after you messaged me in September! I’ve only just seen your message as I’ve not been on the site for so long, about a year I think it is. So I’m busy now catching up with replies and don’t have a lot of time free here, so apologies this is going to have to be a quick reply for now. I am sorry to read some of what you have been through, hopefully your counselling therapy is in place and working for you now? Your dealing with stuff? Lots of things I’d like to ask you…Next time!
In answer to your questions…yes I’m still married, but working on not being for too much longer! Do I still have contact with my kids?…that’s a good question! I’m not sure of the answer yet? Because my kids are grown up now. I attended my eldest daughters wedding (detail removed by Moderator), if that counts? But, I am not sure of our future? It’s a long story! If I just explain it this way…I haven’t heard from my daughter since her wedding day, (detail removed by Moderator) ago now. I miss my daughter and my grandchildren terribly!
I think?… my family have allsorts of issues that are not going to get sorted maybe?
My husband is another problem I am having to cope with, it’s all a bit much really.
I do want to say I understand how some mothers can really mess up their kids heads sadly!
Sometimes often unintentionally!
Sadly! Maybe? not realising they are doing it , in a lot of cases sadly because of buried trauma from their own childhoods/lives. Thats not to sound like an excuse! But, sadly, even though they love their children it can still impact on them can’t it.
I’m not sure what happened in my family? I think it was a combintion of many things, that just brought about very sad situations that were beyond my control. I hope things wont be broken forever? It’s difficult dealing with grown up children that have their own issues and just want to blame someone else for what’s gone wrong in their lives? Not wanting to sort stuff as adults.
Well done for thinking to sort your situation and for being a great mum by the sounds of it. I wish you and your children love and happy times together. xx
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Hello. I hope all is well with you. As a daughter who is in abusive relationship with parents, I think the most important thing is to seek help and acknowledge the problem. Well done in doing that. I think as long as you and your family member try to seek professional help, it would be a good direction. For me, my parents are abusive but they never acknowledge, so no matter how I seek help and change my behaviour, things still go badly. It’s tough for me too, but I now try to seek help and learn how to cope. At least you know genre are things going wrong, and well done for the courage to admit it and seek help.
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