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It’s so important that all ladies who are wondering if your relationship is abusive- or if you are to blame- get advice about what a normal relationship looks like, what a normal man is like and what an abusive one looks like, etc. Pattern Changing/ the Freedom course really helps you see it, Lundy Bancroft, etc. Reading the Women’s Bill of Rights also helps you to see how many healthy boundaries are being violated.
The longer you’re in a relationship, the more the line between what’s normal and what’s not is blurred, and your expectations change. You begin to accept so much rubbish.
I used to read about domestic violence and be horrified, and didn’t even realise I was suffering the very same. I have watched dramas and been horrified at women being murdered by their partner, yet I believe I was being lured to a remote place for him to do the very same thing, and I went willingly, as if in a daze. The only hunch I had was a horrible feeling of unease, but could t explain why. He’d gaslighted me so much, I was confused. I was saved, I think, by a series of things that hindered his plans.
If you have that horrible feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach, and a bunch that things are really wrong, please don’t let him sweet talk you into dismissing things or let him place the blame at your feet. Read, read, read and get some help and advice.
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That is such a helpful post Serenity. Once you get these gas lighters out of your life you think more clearly and can see life as it is, now how it has been manipulated to look. Nobody deserves to walk on eggshells, feel on edge, frightened, confused or foggy minded. Day to day life can actually be calm and ok and even happy.
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Absolutely spot on Serenity. I wish I’d listened to my gut all those years ago. I remember his first outburst of violence – he punched a hole in his lounge wall – vividly, and it shook me to the core. (detail removed by Moderator) later and pales into insignificance compared to his behaviour since. I first posted on here years ago when pregnant and I was doubting my instincts. Flowerchild was the first to reply that I was indeed being abused, and I’ve always been grateful to her for that. I’m sure this post Serenity will be a starting point for those in any doubt xx
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Hi There,
Gas lighting is a method of manipulating someone psychologically to doubt their own memory, perception or sanity. It’s a form of mental abuse.
For example, abusers might deny an abusive incident and tell you that you are exaggerating or were to blame; it might even include the staging of bizarre incidents to make you disorientated and think you are going crazy ( such as hiding or moving household items).
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