11th December 2020 at 10:28 am #117594
For the last couple of days I’ve been feeling so desperate and it’s causing me to have drastic thoughts. I just can’t seem to cope.. it’s all too much.
Thoughts about going back.
Thoughts about just running and disappearing.
Thoughts of just not doing what I’m doing right now – it’s too hard.
11th December 2020 at 12:41 pm #117599maddogParticipant
It can sometimes feel overwhelming. It may help to speak to someone at Women’s Aid or the Samaritans. Do you have any grounding techniques? When we’re struck by panic and fear, we forget to breathe. We forget to feel our feet on the ground. Everything becomes an internal chaos.
Sometimes it can help to find somewhere to holler and scream. It may help just to wrap your arms around yourself.
It’s too much to carry the burden of someone else. Bit by bit, you will peel him off. I’m sorry you’re going through this hell at the moment. You’re not alone.
11th December 2020 at 1:34 pm #117600
I’ve been breathing in for four seconds. Holding the breath for four seconds. Release for four seconds. Hold for four seconds and repeat x
11th December 2020 at 2:46 pm #117606HawthornParticipant
It’s so overwhelming at times, but that’s totally normal. Do try to reach out to womens aid or samaritans to talk to someone. When you get somewhere safe alot of things start to come up and it can all feel too much. Afew techniques I found helpful:
My name is _______. I am ______ years old. My birthday is _______. It is _____ day today. The date is _______. It is wintertime. I am at _______address. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe.
Then name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
Distracts your brain and grounds you into the present moment. It will get better xx
11th December 2020 at 3:05 pm #117607
Thank you everyone for your advice. Just a very low day, I get really shaky! Try to pace up and down to get rid of that horrible feeling. Also I’ve read through some post and although they help in some ways it’s definitely triggered the horrendous fear and memories of various things that’s happened.
I’m just so fed up with living like this.
11th December 2020 at 3:53 pm #117608
This too shall pass x
11th December 2020 at 4:54 pm #117609
I hope so.
I’ve showered for the first time in 3 days (no judging please). Going to pour a glass of wine or maybe even put a straw in the bottle..
11th December 2020 at 5:15 pm #117610
No judging from me. I had to limit myself to three things a day for a long time. Easy on the 🍷. There’s a price to pay afterwards for that one x
11th December 2020 at 7:47 pm #117613maddogParticipant
I keep thinking you’re called Cakescantmakedecisions! If you put the straw in the bottle, it’s ok. One step at a time in baby steps. For me it was the trauma overriding everything. I’m seeking help with the booze. I couldn’t do it all at the same time.
If you wake up feeling like sh!t, forgive yourself. If you find alcohol winking at you, please seek support. It’s not unusual for survivors of domestic abuse to find a new friend in the bottle. There are safer ways and I’m still in the dirt on that one. Covid has been terrible.
Alcohol takes away the future. Try to write down a few things to do the next day which will give you a sense of purpose.
Try not to drink every day. You’ll start to feel better after 2 or 3 days. There are better ways than alcohol. I’m on that journey. In the meantime, forgive yourself, remember that you are suffering from severe trauma, and that you are coping in ways that work for you, however dysfunctional. We will get to the other side!
12th December 2020 at 6:40 pm #117658
I feel so ashamed to even say this when I read the amazing strength you all have.. but I’m going back. Not because I think it will work but because I miss my kids and if I don’t see them I’ll lose them for good. Obviously, the situation is complicated as often these things are BUT I can’t cope. One of my biggest hurdles is to tell family/friends etc BUT I never have.
I’m sad, I feel stupid, I feel scared but I feel all those things on my own too.
12th December 2020 at 7:08 pm #117661HawthornParticipant
Oh chick whatever you decide to do this forum is here for you. Keep reaching out.
I couldn’t have gotten out alone and telling one friend made all the difference for me. Please tell someone close to you, you need and deserve the support. Gather all your strength, one text.
It takes an average of 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship and there’s no judgement here. Try not to judge yourself either, this abuse is being done to you, it’s not your fault. Reach out to womens aid if you haven’t already, they wont make you do anything but you need support just to endure an abusive relationship. It’s your decision.
Do try not to go back,being out does get easier. Dont drink poison because you’re thirsty.
Keep posting and take care xx
12th December 2020 at 7:18 pm #117663
I’m very sorry to hear you wish to go back.
I understand your wish to see your children.
Could you perhaps sleep over it before going back?
Sometimes we take spontaneous decision because they very strongly appeal to us and sound absolutely right.
Given a little time creates distance to that strong urge. Slow down the pace. Then we are able to see other options too? Like talking it over with Women’s Aid first for example? To see which other possibilities there would be available for you? If you’ve assessed all possible options you can always go back but at least you’ve considered all solutions.
I’m so sorry you are finding yourself in this position. Please be very kind to yourself okay. Sending you a big hug 💕
12th December 2020 at 7:22 pm #117664
Something that helps me when times are tough is guided breathing meditations. On youtube there is plenty of choice. Ocean Escape is nice and gentle one.
12th December 2020 at 7:44 pm #117671
I rented my own place, it’s been almost (detail removed by moderator) but his never really left me be… police know, counsellor knows, Local DV team know but the odd email here and there just isn’t enough, I sleep guarding the door, or drink myself in a coma to be able to go off to sleep. His got in a few times. Got to me a couple of times outside the house.. it just seems it doesn’t matter where I am or who’s looking out for me it’s not enough. In fact, it’s almost worse because I can’t judge his mood.
12th December 2020 at 7:52 pm #117672
I know it feels safer being close to them. Knowing where they are but it’s dangerous for you. If you’re going back then keep your phone on you at all times fully charged and start making plans to get your kids out next time. Maybe to a refuge. I went back and it was okay for about (detail removed by moderator) and then I got punished for daring to split in the first place. It was for (detail removed by moderator) too. You have a new awareness now. He may well abuse the kids in front of you now just because he knows it’s a means of control so be careful and of social services get involved they need to support you and your kids to stay together and to protect you x
12th December 2020 at 8:01 pm #117673
I’ve had (detail removed by moderator) visits from SS but because they deemed the kids to be ok eg never in front of them, we were left alone.
I don’t know how else to deal.
12th December 2020 at 8:13 pm #117674
Just keep building a support network around you and keep looking for solutions. Occupation order. Get your local women’s aid involved. He may well be on his best behaviour for a while but mine eventually assaulted me and was arrested and removed. Do you have a access agreement with him?
12th December 2020 at 8:22 pm #117675
I moved out after an assault and just couldn’t take any more. He refused to move out or for the kids to come with me. My youngest has been to my rented place (detail removed by moderator) in that time. I’ve arranged to pick up/exchange in that time but in several occasions has assaulted me once sent the kids into a shop or to walk home. I can’t win.
12th December 2020 at 9:54 pm #117683EggshellsParticipant
How are you doing hon? Please let us know you are safe. xx
13th December 2020 at 1:31 pm #117701
I think you are feeling overall very unsafe and unprotected. No wonder when he assaulted you and keeps assaulting you!?
What can be done to protect you from further assaults? Can your support team come up with protective solutions for you?
Please tell someone from your friends and family circle. It will help lift enormous burden from your shoulders. You don’t have to carry all this by yourself. You really don’t. They can help you with moral support at the very least. Help you keep your head above water.
Hoping you’re okay, sending you big hugs💕
14th December 2020 at 9:12 pm #117808iliketeaParticipant
Hey, how are you? You’ve done so well. Sending you strength. xx
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