Not enjoying new job

[SunshineRainflower]

I started my new job this week. I thought it was going to be a positive experience because it was the kind of job I wanted, the right hours, the right level and right location, I felt very lucky.

Unfortunately the things I feared about it were true. I was worried that there would be a lot of mean staff as has happened before when I’ve worked in this type of place. On the first day the people I was working with were quite nice and welcoming, but the second day they were much colder and seemed a bit annoyed with me. Then two of them starting bitching about another staff member really nastily, they even brought up how this other staff member needed more help due to her health and were implying what a nightmare she was. Maybe she is, but it all seemed like bullying to me and I think they were trying to get me ‘on their side.’ They seem like horrible bullies to me and that was only after a couple of days.

The job itself is also way more intense than this job level used to be when I did it before. Yet the pay is the same and is barely above minimum wage. I was so tired I fell asleep at 8pm and was a zombie all day today, wasting a day having to recover. They had timetabled me to work non stop with only a tiny amount of lunch break and also expected me to do a task before the next day with very little notice, on top of all the other scheduled work. I usually enjoy this sort of task but the joy was taken out of it due to the strict deadline and rules about how I could do it.

I have much less tolerance for stuff like this now and think maybe I should just quit. It is so hard to find part time work and part of me feels crazy and ungrateful but I know this isn’t a job I can do long term as it pays too low to pay my rent and is extremely tiring. I also don’t want to get ill and stressed again by being overworked, underpaid and having to work with bullies.

I also found it massively triggering about my ex, which I was really surprised about. I was triggered by the other staff talking about their boyfriends, husbands, fiances and children and felt so incredibly alone, not helped by everyone ignoring me at lunch. There were other triggers I can’t mention as it would give away the type of job it is but I felt quite depressed a lot during the day which I didn’t expect and kept being reminded of how I am a certain age, single, have no children and few friends left.

I really want to support myself but this job has reminded me why I have always struggled with work. I feel like maybe I should quit while I’m ahead and just look for something in a different field that I’ve not done before – something part time, well paid to cover my rent and bills and low stress if anything like that exists. In the past I always used to stick things out, but I found that is not always the best thing to do when the thing is making you ill and depressed. I’ve only been there such a short time but I already dislike a lot about it. But I also feel like a bit of a failure who is unable to hold down jobs? How do people do jobs every day and not go insane? Is work meant to be pure misery and then you die? I don’t know how people work full time and don’t want to kill themselves every day.

[Anabela]

I am so sorry about your experience. It is horrible if the atmosphere at work is not pleasant and make you feel like that…. maybe you should try and see if things at work will start improving and if not you can leave any time? Give it another week or two. At least on those moments when something triggers you, you could say to yourself that you can leave any time if things dont change for the better. I get being angry about loads of work and low salary. This is so unfair and demotivating.

[SunshineRainflower]

Thank you for your reply Anabela. I quit the job. So far, I feel happy about it, relieved. In the past I would have pushed myself to stick it out til the end and tried to deny how unhappy I was but years ago when I did this I ended up very ill and had to take a lot of time off and never fully recovered, so I have learnt that it’s just not worth it, and that health must come first.

I am feeling a bit angry that in so many jobs, particularly those aimed at women, you are expected to work super hard with no respect and get a meagre wage. I just won’t accept this anymore, I have had enough with it and won’t put up. It’s not unreasonable to expect to be treated with respect and consideration at work, and be paid sufficiently. I am happy because it means I can work on my self employed venture again without having to take full days out to work then recover for the time being. It has been helpful to realise I am so done with working in my old sector, now that I am emotionally detached from it I could see all the issues very clearly this time and realised I just don’t like how things are done in this sector at all. I am hoping that by following my gut and not allowing myself to be treated badly by people anymore things will work out. I think my self esteem has improved since I ended things with my abusive ex and that contributed to me quitting – I deserve better.

[Janedoeissad]

So sorry to hear you hated your job so much you left.

There have been so many jobs I have quit after a day or two. I am a very introverted and socially awkward person and I have come to learn that I have to be in the right environment or I suffer. I have left jobs the most at minimum wage level. I have never left any job in the level I am in now. I am not sure why that is.

I work full time now but I love my job and the people are nice enough. I have been in jobs were I have found friends for life, this isn’t the case here I don’t think but I still enjoy their company and they are as social awkward as I am so I am happy.

Have you ever read Tuckmans theory about stages of group development? It is worth reading as it will give you insight into what you are feeling when you start a new job. So if you took another role on you could use the information to your advantage.

Please keep positive, it is good that you recognised you hated it early on.

Big Hugs

J x

[SunshineRainflower]

Thank you Jane. I had not heard of Tuckman’s theory so I will look this up. I read lots about personality types and Myers Briggs when I left my last career which really helped me to understand why it had been a poor fit. I am mostly very introverted and had ended up in a job that required daily public speaking in a loud, fast paced environment so no wonder I ended up ill and feeling like a failure. This job was in the same environment and I realised I’d made a mistake to return to it after just a few days. I think I had looked back on it with rose tinted glasses and thought the lower level would make it better. I’m glad I can finally see that it’s a bad fit for me and can stop trying to force it. There are aspects of it I really do love but unfortunately there are too many things that don’t work for me and the worst part was feeling disrespected. For whatever reason there is a lot of bitchyness in this particular sector, it seems to be something specific to it and it is renowed for people going off sick with stress and leaving permanently to retrain. I am glad to think that in most other sectors people are treated with more respect and this toxic environment doesn’t exist.

Part of the problem is that in the last few years I actually found what I love, a creative self employed venture, but I haven’t found a way to make much money from it yet. If I could do this full time it would be a dream come true. I am very happy to be back working on it. If I can find a job that complements it that would be ideal, ie. something well paid for 1-2 days per week that doesn’t take over my life. Not sure it exists but I will keep looking. It is good to hear that you actually love your job, it’s good to know it is possible!

[IrisAtwood]

I think I have an idea of what your sector is – and if I am right then it is possible to do register with an agency and just do one or two days without long term commitment, and if you don’t like the organisation you say no the next time you’re offered it! You’ve probably already considered it though!
I was in the same sector (if I am right) for a long period and it was very, very hard as in Myers Briggs terms I am INFJ.
I set up my own business using those skills and am enjoying it. My income is much, much lower but the ability to control what I am doing and how is worth it.

[Ayanna]

I work full time and I hear the trigger stuff for many hours a week.
It is hard, to hear staff bullying others and to go on forever about their kids and their wonderful activities with their dream partners.
The thing is, that many tell lies and their lives are not that rosy as they paint them.
I focus on what I have to do at work and do not participate in such conversations.
I told them that I am different and my life is different and neither can I relate to their problems nor are they part of my world. I am there to work, for nothing else.
I may come across as cold and unfriendly there as a result of their gossiping and bad behaviour. Some tried to bully me and I paid it back nicely.
I ask professional questions and I am inconvenient with my knowledge. I will frighten them with my in depth work if they behave badly, finding mistakes and criticizing their mistakes and pointing out their failures. They will love me there soon, hahaha! It is their choice. If they think they can bully me they will get more surprises.

[SunshineRainflower]

Thank you Iris and Ayanna. I am so happy I am not going in tomorrow, I was initially going to give it more time to decide but I found myself thinking ‘hmm I think I have made a mistake returning to this’ so early on that I knew I just need to go with my gut. After the horrendous experience with my ex, if there was one thing I promised myself is was that I would ALWAYS go with my gut. With him I second guessed myself/carried on due to guilt and fear and it is so scary how that decision could have cost me everything.

The only issue is how to support myself financially as I don’t gel well with most jobs it would seem unless I have a lot of autonomy, can work alone, have flexible and not long hours and decent pay. I am a fellow INFJ Iris! It’s not easy being an INFJ in a rather cold, extrovert world (I have certainly never found it easy anyway and often feel at odds with societal thoughts) but I am glad to be me and to have figured out why I like and dislike certain things. Your business sounds great, that is my aim too, I LOVE being self employed, I just haven’t been great at making enough to live on which does frustrate me and adds to those ‘I am rubbish/a failure/loser’ negative thought spirals I get. I did some goal setting this weekend for my life and business using a man called Brian Tracy’s videos on youtube, I find him really good at helping me to set clear attainable goals. I feel more focused and determined post-abusive relationship because my ex joked about killing me which made me realise I very much do want to live, but I want to have a life I enjoy. I have more self belief now and in many ways being single with no kids makes it much easier to work on a goal like this, so now is the time 🙂

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