not posted in a while.

[Falling Skys]

Hi Ladies

I start a post most evenings and then delete, I have so much going on I need your support with but I just don’t know where to start or finish and then it so personal to myself I could be identified.

I was made redundant and that was abusive, but I have a new job and though hard I’m enjoying it. Though I am now suffering from panic attacks but with low dosage medication its under control. The new job means that they don’t know my past, they know he wasn’t the best of men but they don’t know about the abuse. Only thing is that one of the people there will use trigger words and I get nervous, but I am a good actress and can hide my nerves well.

Now having rape counselling which is a roller coaster, I can see that the rapes wasn’t about sex it was all about keeping me under control.

My ex is now wanting to change estate agents which I’m ok with, but the two that he has chosen in the past have not been successful and now that I want an input he is being spiteful. ie a ranting note saying he is doing all he can and want red of me and move on (not his words but sentiment) in with this I come home and the is a flyer in my room from the agent he wants. I have tried to have a meeting with this agent but they have kept cancelling. They have now sent me an email which makes it sound like I am the one being awkward, I have now given them other dates and times I can make. I have kept all communication so it shows I’m not in fault. I just don’t want or trust them I am feeling intimidated by them.

In with this due to an error the police were called recently, they came to the house I wasn’t there, he wouldn’t let them in. They were very understanding but had to meet with me to make sure that I was safe. In one way it may be blessing in disguise as I think that he showed himself for what he could be like. (back to the letter he also inferring that I have been lying to people.)

All I want is an end to it, part of me now thinking of moving out but paying for two places would be back breaking and stop me saving towards my new home or as I am getting a good network of friend I could spend weekends with them or family.

I hope that you can make sense of this. I am trying to keep an eye on the prize a safe abuse free home.

FS xx

[White Rose]

Hello
He’s just messing you around isn’t he! Typical behaviour – he needs control. I bet he’s told the agents a lack of lies. When we sold I ended up telling the agent it was an extremely difficult divorce and if they heard from him please always run things past me too. Try tbe same with yours. They thought I was controlling but a week or so later rang me up to and ask whether he was always that difficult and unpleasant.
You sound frustrated but STRONG which is great. Keep plodding on – the goal is to have a safe abuse free home and it will happen.
Great to hear you got another job too.
Baby steps will get you there x*x

[Falling Skys]

Thanks White Rose

I had that with the other agents, in the end they were telling me first of any viewings as the toilets were in such a bad state I will clean his mess to sale the house but not if I don’t have viewings.

FS xx

[Confused123]

HI HUn

u r doing so well, again his just trying to drive u out, i think continue to be polite but firm with estates, if there is one u prefer add them on too, ignore estate if they are saying u r been difficult, just state u both have same goal to sell house, i would state days and times u can do and ask them which one would suit them, congratulations on finding another job too

[KIP.]

Hi, youre never ever going to get better whilst living with your abuser. My ex moved out (was arrested) and has paid nothing. If you can no longer live there because of his abuse, I’m sure any judge would understand. Even if you have to take your half of mortgage payments out of the final sale. He doesn’t want to sell. He wants to keep his source of fuel which is abusing you. Rent a room off someone until the house is sold. Take legal advice about a court order forcing the sale at a much lower value. I was trauma bonded to my home. He ripped the lock off my bedroom door and I used to drag the double bed in front of the door at night and use a door wedge to keep him out. Now the fog of abuse has cleared, I cannot believe I lived in that house of horrors. All this and work pressures is a recipe for a breakdown. I don’t underestimate how hard it is mentally to get your head round all this. But it’s only going to get worse. Keep visiting solicitors and getting advice. I can only imagine the conversation your ex is having with the estate agents. Have you asked the first two estate agents why they think your house hasn’t sold?

[Suntree]

Talk to the people you have the mortgage with I did and they helped but I wish I had told them the whole story once I had a manager who was looking after me directly.
The other thing I would suggest is getting a solicitor for yourself.
I had to force the sale of the house through the courts.
Keep every bit of evidence you can.
Be proactive.
I would do my own ground work. I would talk to the estate agents and see which one you would want to use. I would be honest and tell them it is not an amicable sale and make sure that the agent is prepared to deal with you. So you hear nothing about the sale through him.
Good luck

[Serenity]

Hi Falling Skys,

I agree with KIP regarding your course of action. You deserve to be free from him. Take proactive moves to get his thing rolling.

I don’t know whether you’ve been down the path of trying to get an occupancy order? Call the NCDV. You have a right to sell your house ASAP and move away from him.

Get all various and different bits of advice you can.

There will be the prize you dream of at the other end. X

[Falling Skys]

Thanks ladies today I really feel like I can’t hold out much longer. There was an issue this morning because I flushed the chain. Luckily I was out of the house as our son came running down the stairs. I am now getting worried at what they may do. I am now reavaluating my safety in the home. 😢

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