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Like many, i have spent the last however long imagining in my head my big exit – The pack my bags and leave moment, the one that show stops, and sees me leave a confident, feisty female whos ready to live her life. I have been taking baby steps to leave, having conversations with my partner about how the relationship isnt working, speaking up a little more, saying no a little more, and starting to slowly feel like the idea is less daunting.
We went away for a few days to try and… well… try, and admittedly, as expected, had a lovely time, we looked normal, felt normal, and made some memories like a normal couple. However a break, holiday, day trip, date night, isnt reality, reality is what happened next.
After a night back home, it seemed we both had “holiday blues” he was moody, started up again with the accusations, and after work on (detail removed by Moderator) we went for drinks with his friends to try start the weekend right. I imagine i am not the only person who cannot enjoy a drink with their partner, because rather than getting merry, i sit and watch soberly the person i love turn into somebody i hate and then wait anxiously. I must look like a right bore, but whilst he’s the life and soul of the party, the people pleaser, the fun guy, i am there worried sick about what will happen when we get back – And rightly so. On (detail removed by Moderator), i ended up in hospital after a nasty turn. I have no broken bones, i have no lasting damage but as i sat there, waiting for tests, waiting to see if family would come, waiting to hear from police, i realised he had taken away my exit.
I can say with confidence, that this time it’s too far, the times before should have been too far, but this was different. I have moved somewhere safe, i have contacted police and asked for support, i have done everything i should have done months ago – But i wish every second, that instead of going through something horrible, that i had left like i had imagined in my head.I know the next few weeks are going to be horrible, i keep having panic attacks, floods of guilt, i feel sorry for him, then i hate him, then i miss him, then i want to run away and cry, theres 100 emotions a time which i am struggling with, whilst healing physically. Very confusing time, but i think, this is the start of me being me.
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Oh wow, I am so so sorry. Losing choice is probably the worse thing that can happen, in life generally, and particularly in this situation. I am sorry you lost that choice to leave in the civilised way you had hoped. That must have been really shocking. Its strange the way they escalate after a happy time. Similar to the holiday thread, they always f it up.
Hopefully you can look forward, the what ifs dont go anywhere, but now you have your freedom all the unknowns are yours to direct.
I hope support is being put in place for you. Have you been connected with the local DA support service? Does your GP know. And if he’s out on bail can your home be secured, or make sure you’re somewhere safe where he can’t find you. Perhaps for now get a new sim for your phone? Block him on all social media.
Sending you so much strength. Its happened, and you’re out, hopefully you can look forward in time. Currently you’re probably in shock too.
Big virtual hug, xx -
You are safe now and while the emotional rollercoaster is about to start – remember you have your safety belt on – it’ll be scary and confusing but you’re safe.
Take help where you can, rest, sleep if you can – I slept for hours every day when I finally got out – hide under the duvet if you need to to but look after yourself. When you have a bad day don’t worry about it, when you have a good day make the most of it and do things that make you happy.
Take care of yourself x
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You know what- that feisty, confident woman is still in you. Yes, she had a setback, but she can still come out and live the rest of the story you had imagined in your head.
What happened after she walked out, head held high? Did she move into a home that suits her and only her? Did she find a new or better job? Did she make plans to heal, to learn to live with her head still held high? How did she continue her life in a positive way? What did you imagine…
Think of starting a new life, new you like building a new house: you lay foundations, then add rooms that work for you, add twiddly bits or none, decorate thoughtfully and comfortably.
I hope this helps… -
Hi Browneyesp, I just want to send you some support. I haven’t been on in a couple of days because I’ve been busy sorting my new house out. I’ve been following your posts and it seems like our abusers are similar in certain ways.
You did the right thing by getting out and reporting him. You deserve so much better. You’re going to go through all of the emotions and it’s normal, but please don’t be fooled by him again, they really don’t change, they just get better at manipulating us!
My abuser has sent a couple of threatening voice notes which I’ve saved with all of the other evidence. I feel safe where I am as it’s not local to where he is. I have alot of family and friends around too, but I know in the future I will have to report his behaviour to the police and get a non molestation order. My abuser isn’t the kind of man that could just accept it’s over and be done with it. He’ll be looking to seek revenge now for daring to make my own choices.
I feel bad that I don’t feel anything other than happiness that we’re finally away. I think I went through all of the emotions while I was still there and now I’m completely empty. It will take me a long time to mentally recover from the abuse but I’m feeling better within myself already. I hope you have some family support Browneyesp or a good friend etc! Talking and being around people is good. We are both officially survivors now and if feels great xx
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