Not so much a bad day as a bad lifetime

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

It’s been a very hard couple of months. His work are piling stuff on him so he’s constantly stressed.

I’m also trying to hold down a job as well as keep the house running and looking after our child. But he’s very dismissive of these efforts, I’m useless because the house isn’t immaculate, he doesn’t like the food I cook, etc. He also constantly tells me that I have it easy because my work isn’t as onerous as his (another story- I ought to be doing more hours to get ahead at work, but I can’t because it just doesn’t work in this setup. I’m doing the best I can).

Then, whenever it all gets a bit much, he blows up and I get a full on diatribe about how useless and worthless I am. Complete with name-calling and accusations of all kinds of stuff. E.g. I’m the reason his whole family hate us both, apparently, because I’m so emotionally stunted and useless.

He does these name-calling sessions in front of our child, who is now showing signs of stress and having trouble sleeping. Apparently this is my fault as well, for ‘(detail removed by moderator)’.

Can’t cope and can’t leave. What a life. I’m dreading Christmas now, whole week of being stuck in the house together cannot end well.

[Lisa]

Hello Catterpillarbutterfly,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. It sounds like you’re going through such a lot and your partners verbal abuse sounds relentless, it must be exhausting.

It’s really upsetting that your child is being impacted in this way, children are incredibly intuitive and do pick up on abuse when it’s present in the home. It can leave a big impact sadly.

Have you considered connecting with a local domestic abuse support service to discuss the situation in more detail and explore some possible options? It sounds like it feels difficult to imagine leaving at the moment, but it may still be helpful to have some emotional support initially.

You can find details for your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[tiredofitall]

Hi, I completely understand what you are saying. It sounds like my life. My job was always easy compared to his. I stopped talking about bad days in my job because it always ended up being about him and his is worse. We both worked full time but if the house was untidy he’d point it out to me and hated when I said he could do something about it. If he did do anything he’d want heaps of praise and it would be used to show me how I was failing in some way. If I ever said the way he said things made me feel this way he’d just say it was in my head but he chooses words and phrases deliberately. It took me far too long to stop questioning myself and blaming myself. I hated holidays and spending time together I was happy to be at work but resented him making my home life awful. Home is supposed to be your safe place not the opposite. I wish I could tell you there is a way to change him. All I can say is I hear you and feel you. Stay strong.

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