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    • #7556
      Lioness
      Participant

      It has been (detail removed by Moderator) months since he’s been out of rehab for alcohol abuse, and he convinced me that we should get back together after (detail removed by Moderator) months apart, reluctantly I did. He didn’t drink up until Christmas now he’s drinking weekends and now Midweek too. He’s meant to be getting a job but there always seems to be an excuse not to. I’m working full time and paying for everything. I feel like a meal ticket, he says everything is going to be ok but somehow I don’t think it is. I’ve found out he’s getting court letters for his debt, he’s now convinced me to let him to use my credit card and getting me to buy his vodka on my way home. Why on earth am I doing it and letting him get away with it. I’m so cross with myself, I’m a strong person but he manages to get to my weak side or I do it for a quest life, maybe. His mum was cross because I got him Alcohol but if I don’t he’ll be nasty to me. I know it’s wrong and I am angry with myself but I’m just not strong enough to stand up to him. Yes I feel like he’s dragging me down again, he knocks me down then builds me back up with compliments making him look like the good guy. I know what I need to do I just need to do it, I get so frustrated with myself. My mum doesn’t even know that he is living with me again so it’s like living a lie, I’m so ashamed of letting him back and feel like I’ve let my daughter down and I just want to protect her, she’s young but bright enough to know what is going on.we had a massive row on (detail removed by Moderator) night, an I told him to leave, but he wouldn’t and said he was sorry. Luckily our daughter was sleeping out. I just can’t live like this I can’t forget all the years of mental abuse he has given me, all the love I had for him has gone and I can’t get it back and says I’m not affectionate towards him but I just can’t do it. I just long to be on my own, I would be very happy and content. I keep dreaming it will happen one day xx

    • #7559
      KIP.
      Participant

      You’ve got rid of him before and you can do it again. The police will remove him if it’s your home. Change the locks and tell him you will call the police if he returns. I took my ex back. I have no idea why. They are just so manipulative. My skin was crawling as he moved is stuff back in but I was frozen. Not any more❤️

    • #7577
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi hun

      living with an acholic is so hard, ive been there too when u think just for bit of peace u end up buying the drink for them, snap your cards if u have too or give to someone else for safekeeping, i had to do this in end otherwise they wear u down for any cash or cards, even cash make sure u have none on u or dont let him know where u keep it. Be strong hun u can do this , is the house on your name if so should make it slighly easier , tellhim its over and u want him out of house by eve or police will be called, if u not feeling that brave when he goes out change locks and dont let him in , tell him he things r packed and leave outside , feeling low speak to a support worker, we will try support u as much as we can, tell your mum dont feel ashamed, yes she will be cross at first why did u take him back but she will support u when she calms down . Hardest bit is when they say they love us and will change, truth is hun they dont, we so desperately want them to but they dont. my ex did loads of detox and even went rehab , i think (detail removed by Moderator) month is there maximum limit b4 they back on game cause they dont want it as long term goal, they too happy living of us, once u out again u can spend that money on yourself, u can do this hun u just need the support and encouragement, his mum can take him back in if she so concerned her son is drinking again, these ex families r so quick to blame it all on us,

    • #7599
      Lioness
      Participant

      KIP I felt exactly the same when he moved back in, I hated every minute. unfortunately it’s a joint mortgage even though he hasn’t paid anything since last July and still isn’t.And thank you confused, I will keep trying, I’ll find the strength from somewhere, probably from being on here. Sometimes I feel guilty for not forgiving him and I’m a bag of nerves, he tells me to forget the past and move forward together but I just can’t. I cannot forget the awful things he has done. I don’t want to end up a bitter person, but feel like I am getting that way, the feeling of being trapped is horrendous and i really feel for all women in situations like this. I’m lucky he has never hit me, but that’s the only thing he hasn’t done. Thank you again for your advice xx

    • #7608
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi HUn

      OK so its joint mortgage,, u r the working one and have a child so u need the house more then him, when i left i ddint have the option to stay in house as my life was at risk, these men ware us down and we cant think straight from stress so from my experience i will guide u, speak to a support worker and explain scenario , dicuss options of getting him removed from house , absouletely refuse to buy him drink, be really strong now refuse to buy drink and live on low budget meals, live on toast on beans all week, sounds harsh but hun i tellu when u need to show u got no money u have to follow it through, i did this for two weeks lived on lentils and rice to prove a point i had no money and was in debt up to my head , let him kick of its your excuse to get him kick out of house, pleas report him to police when he does kick of,speak to the police that u r experiencing mental abuse and where u stand, get advise from every agency possible to help him get out , u can do this hun

    • #7653
      Lioness
      Participant

      Thank you, it helps so much that someone is there for support, it means the world to me and i don’t feel as alone. I don’t think he has had a drink tonight although I have been out of his way all night so if he has I haven’t noticed. I would like to stay in the house So I will contact a support worker too and get more of an idea where I stand. I also have dogs so it makes it harder finding places to stay in an emergency, In the past I’ve got my daughter and dogs in the car and driven to a car park to escape him. But I am promising myself I won’t buy him alchohol either, he prob will kick off but like you say when he does I can report it. Thank you so much I am going to be strong and determined, I think that is why he is with me as I am a soft touch, when I stand up to him he says this isn’t like me and I’m acting like my mother and I’m a b***h and all the other names under the sun. I guess this way of life is all I know as I’ve lived it for so long, I just want to be me again. Thank you I will keep you updated xx

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