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It feels like I’ll never be free of him. After receiving a harassment warning even though I was not the one who was doing the harassing, I put in a complaint! I heard back today and they refuse point blank to expunge/remove the warning and it will be on my file indefinitely. So that means God forbid if I were ever to get into trouble in the future for anything not related it can and will be brought up. I have ended up been the one made to feel like a criminal just for getting out of an extremely abusive and controlling relationship. I don’t know what to do or where to turn next. It has all become extremely daunting and overwhelming. I’m really struggling to see anything positive about it all. I might as well have just stayed a prisoner in the relationship
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Hi GS,
I know this feels so unfair to have an untruthful statement about you on a police file which your abuser orchestrated to cause you distress, upset you and affect you. But you know the truth and we know the truth.
Abuser’s twist things about us to others, lie about us to others, make-up untruths about us to others, smear us to others, distort facts about us to others and ruin, destroy our reputation, good name and character to others, everyday of the week. Its particularly upsetting when its put in writing on a file as in your case. That is the nature of the beast (literally).
However you know the truth, we know the truth and some other people will believe you and others will believe his lies.
Its hard when his lies about us are written down and kept. But some people after speaking to you for five minutes will be able to tell the kind of person you are and will believe your explanations to explain that he was the harasser and not you.
When I attended court for my legal separation I was convinced the judge, barristers would believe my ex husband and the ‘court-approved assessor psychologist’ who wrote a glowing report about the abuser and how he should get day -to- day care of our children and the report was comprised of abuser’s lies and distortions about me. However I am who I am, and the abuser is who he is, (and that became apparent on the day). And abusers can’t trick everyone. The judge in my separation and my barristers saw through him.
Don’t worry your goodness and the fact that you would not carry out harassing behaviours would be apparent. You can’t hide that about yourself. And if in the future that file is pulled out of its filing cabinet in any particular situation you have us for support. I too have to try not to project into the future and just deal with the day. The main thing is you are away from him.
We can’t control that. All we can do is control how it affects us which we lessen by posting on this Forum, which you are doing.
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It is extremely frustrating because it feels like he’s still in control of me even though we’re not together. The police have more or less said he is the abuser and liar but they still refuse to remove the harassment warning they gave to me via email. I have had to change so much of me already and now this is on my file forever as a constant reminder of him. How is that fair in this day and age?
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I did make an official complaint KIP I addressed the issue to the Chief Constable but one of his representatives rang me and more or less said I had 2 options one was to speak to the officer who issued it in person or the other was to attach my account of the events onto the file alongside the harassment warning. He basically said there is no official appeals process and just provided me with the link to the national domestic abuse helpline which I have already been in contact with. I’m meant to be starting a (detail removed by moderator) college course on Monday organised by DWP and I don’t even have any food in my house let alone travel expenses or food for through the day. I managed to get into my citizans advice office this morning only to be told it was only for information off their website and they had no staff with any particular experience. I honestly don’t know where to turn. Even the bed that I sleep in and the carpet at the side of it are stained with his s****n because he never cleaned it up and it makes me physically sick having to sleep in it and face it every day. I honestly can’t see a way out of this nightmare.
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Hi Goodsamaritan,
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with all of this on top of dealing with the abuse from him. You are a really strong women. Do you think you could speak to the officer who issued you it? I agree with WE, it sounds like a good idea to contact JobCentre, DWP and the college to see if you can get some financial support. Thinking about food in the house, can you go to any local food banks in your area?
Sending you lots of love x*x
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Hi Good Samaritan, I’ve only just come in on this today and I’ve lost track of when we last posted. I find it hard with this site to find where I’ve been! That said, you need to move on from the harassment warning, as I said before, you will never win against the authorities, plain and simple, but it will not be on your file for ever, and hopefully there will be no need for you to have any further contact with this man again which will put you in jeopardy with that warning. If you can, try and go no contact, and speak to your lawyer if needs be about it.
On the money front, have you been to the JobCentre or DWP and told them of your plight for Monday. It’s getting late in the day, but if you haven’t, you need to contact them, or alternatively, contact the college and tell them you have this problem, and can someone please help over finance so you can get to the college course? You might be eligible for a grant or something?
Best of luck, and keep strong.
WE x*x
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