Not sure if we’re over.

[Wibbles]

Just had the most awful row with my husband, he claims I was flirting with someone today while we were out but won’t tell me who and I’ve no idea. I try to be very careful about talking to men as anything can set him off. He said he’s growing to hate me as I am so disrespectful, don’t appreciate him, rarely give him sex etc. So I said I hated him too and he smacked me in the face with a pillow. He just kept telling me what a c**p wife I am and that I’d be nothing without him and I’m not proud but I was screaming back at him and got up in his face a bit. He then pushed me so I fell over. Verbally I was giving as good as I got as it’s the first real row we’ve had since I admitted the abuse to myself. I’ve suggested a break and he refuses to go so I said I’d take the kids to my parents. Unfortunately the older 2 heard the whole row and when I came upstairs to get away from him the were in tears. It literally broke my heart. One kept saying he’d be good and normal and the other just wants it all to be back to when we loved each other. I tried to comfort them and reassure them how much they were loved but he heard us and came to see what was going on. He then told the kids I was evil and he’d tell them all about how bad I am when they’re older. At this point I hadn’t said a word against him to them and will always try to be fair as he’s their dad and they love him.
Now I’m alone in the bedroom wondering where to go from here, I can’t go anywhere tonight as I’ve been drinking and my youngest is asleep, I will sleep on the sofa and work out what to do in the morning I guess. I feel so hurt and lost.

[KIP.]

Are you in contact with women’s aid? The children witnessing abuse is child abuse. You need to get them out somewhere safe x take them to your parents and ask for help from there. Have you considered an occupation order to have him removed from the home. Pushing you over is assault. Hitting you in the face is assault. You could involve the police?

[Wibbles]

I actually pressed 999 on the phone but didn’t make the call as I was scared what he’d do if I did. I will call them tomorrow and at least have them log it even though I don’t want them to come out. I’ve tried to call Women’s Aid a few weeks ago but it was constantly busy and sadly he rarely leaves the house so I’ve not had a chance since. I also fool myself into thinking I can live with it when things are ok but today just goes to show I’m deluding myself. I feel so guilty that the children are being so hurt by it. He actually had the nerve to say I ruined their lives letting them be born as God did not think I should have children. They are all IVF babies as I can’t have them naturally, I just cannot believe he could even utter those words. I hate him!!!

[KIP.]

They say the most dreadful things to hurt us. They know our weakness and go straight for the jugular. Try to find your local women’s aid if you can’t get through on the helpline number. You will need a safe exit plan. Women’s aid will be able to advise you and I recommend speaking to s solicitor and keeping a journal of his abuse and any other evidence you can. Tell your GP everything that’s going on and get her to log it. Google the cycle of abuse. He won’t change and abuse always gets worse.

[Wibbles]

Thank you KIP your advice really helps. I’ve been to the GP, that’s what made me face up to what’s happening, it was so good to hear someone describe what was going on as abuse and to feel supported. It was her who told me about Women’s Aid so I will keep trying to reach someone local if I can’t get through. I have also started a log after reading someone’s post on here, it’s scary seeing it in black and white but I know I might need it one day. X

[Escapee]

When you’re at you parents or you know he won’t be around, leave a message with WA – it may be hours later but they will call you back. Xx

And I’ve got to say, what an absolute bas**** he is to say those things to you about your babies and what he said to them. Absolutely unforgivable!!

I’m pleased your Dr helped – mine was amazing too. The team of health professionals that helped me probably saved my life (literally) x*x

[Wibbles]

Thank you for your kind words Escapee, I’m pleased you’ve had support with your situation.
I’m still at home but I have a suitcase packed and in the car, I just can’t bring myself to devastate the children further by taking them away. I’m so torn as I know it’s not good for them to see what’s going on but at the same time they are happy here with us all together.
It would probably only take one word for me to go but I know he will now not speak to me for days unless it’s unavoidable. I can’t bear this anymore.

[diymum@1]

Try to take a deep breath and go – take the kids. can you wait until hes at work or out? safer this way. the kids will be upset but sit them down and explain that this is best they will still see their dad but seeing you both arguing is too unhealthy for them to stay in the house- your doing what you feel is best and your protecting them they have to trust you on this . the kids will be upset but kids are also VERY resilient. youll also have the support off your parents. once the kids are back at school and get out to play etc they will be ok. in the long run this is definitely the best avenue for you all and they will see that especially as they mature xxxx

[KIP.]

I agree with diymum. Go when it’s safe to so. Kids really are resilient. They want a happy mum and then they’re happy children. If you’re safe and content and confident, they will be too. They are children and can’t make those kind of decisions. That’s your responsibility as the adult. To make those kind of difficult decisions for their wellbeing x

[Escapee]

I with Kip and Diymum – you’ll be protecting the children by going. It will affect them if you stay x*x

[diymum@1]

research shows that a childs future prospects are all determined by the mothers recovery the only way to recover is to be away from him and with all the support there is there xx

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