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I’ve been with my partner for (detail removed by Moderator) and (detail removed by Moderator) ago I finally ended it. I feel like a weight has been lifted but something is bothering me.
I had known my partner for years as a friend of my friend he always seemed nice enough very quiet and shy. We used to be civil to each other and I ended up getting a job with him. I was with my first boyfriend back then who became very emotuonally abusive when I had my daughter. I finally found the strength to leave and suddenly my partner was there all the time to help taking my daughter out with me for the day and just generally being what I thought was nice. Anyway he started piling the pressure on about us making a great family ect. I’m a pretty shy person and ended up backing down and saying I would go out with him. He then started ramping up the pressure for sex (he was a virgin) saying I was cruel to lead him on ect I didn’t really find him attractive but as he was kind and nice and everything my ex wasn’t I ended up thinking maybe we would be better together.
Roll on (detail removed by Moderator) and I now have two more children with him. He is obsessed that I have to be happy all the time he will ask me over and over if I’m happy to the point I feel like I’m going mad. He does everything in his power to keep me and the children separated as he always wants to spend time with me and not them so carts them off to his mum all the time. When in the past I’ve said it’s over he rounds up the kids and stands there crying while telling them how mummy making him go and I end up backing down. He hot so obsessions that he shook me awake to ask what he had done to make me roll over in my sleep. He is suffocating.
Anyway I have since all that left him and now I’m getting all these texts saying how he misses me ect and how we are meant to be together he never ever mentions the kids or being a family. If I get tell him to leave me alone his mum calls to see if there’s still a chance. He also randomly turns up to help and tries to corner me to ask loads of questions.
As I said since he’s gone I feel so much happier it’s only been (detail removed by Moderator) and I haven’t felt sad at all. I’ve felt many other emotions but not that. My nerves are shot to pieces though as I’ve spent so long living under his microscope. So my question is is he abusive or just a man child?
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Forgot to say he has depression and that’s been getting worse he spent he time at home lying on the sofa shouting at the kids and trying to get my attention all the time. I’m probably really mean as people say for leaving him as he is only being nice and most people dream of having someone who loves them that much. I don’t know ny heads all over the place.
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Hi Henryhoover,
It definitely sounds like some emotional abuse is going on – pressuring you into the relationship, pressuring you for sex, demanding to know that you are happy all the time, wanting to monopolise your time. Suffocating like you said. I’m not surprised you wanted to leave, good for you wanting to have a healthier life, it certainly sounds oppressive and unhealthy, like your life is not your own when you are with him. Your relationship reminds me of my cousin’s former relationship which was emotionally abusive.
It’s also a sign if they contact you a lot post break up – most normal healthy people accept break ups, feel the pain, heal and move on. But manipulators don’t like you to move on. They often have others they are seeing, but they won’t tell you that, instead they declare undying love to you to manipulate you back into the relationship. It’s all about power and control.
It sounds like there are little to no boundaries with this man, so I’d set those up now to help you get some peace. Don’t let him just barge in whenever he feels like it, have set agreements and times for children’s contact time and go don’t engage in questions, arguments etc. It will just keep you trapped and you deserve to move on, find peace and find a new healthy partner if that is what you want.
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