Not sure what category this falls into

[Littlelemon1234]

Hi everyone, I’m new here so apologies first. I’ve been with my partner for a couple of years. Throughout our time together, there’s been behaviour that isn’t right. For example, minimising things, unkind and veiled jokes. As well as inappropriate sexual behaviour such as groping me in public, saying uncomfortable things.

However there’s one particular event that’s caused me a lot of distress. When we were away on holiday (removed by moderator), we got into a bit of a disagreement. I was crying and really uncomfortable and he was very drunk and loud. He was really angry at me and then in the taxi on the way home he suddenly became ‘in the mood’ but I didn’t want to do anything so I just stayed quiet. Once back at the hotel. He then started to kiss me/touch me etc. At this point I should have said no, I should have pushed him away, but I felt like I couldn’t. I felt like my best option was just get to get it over with until he fell a asleep. Although I never said I no, I knew I didn’t want to have sex.

I know longer feel safe around him, I don’t feel comfortable being close in that way anymore. I just can’t move on from it. He’s apologised profusely, but I just can’t forgive him. I want to leave but I don’t know how.

[Lisa]

Hello Littlelemon1234,

Firstly, welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear what you have been experiencing in your current relationship. Understandably you are reaching out for some support and advice, as this man’s behaviour is abusive and totally unacceptable.
You’ve taken a positive step by coming on this forum to get perspective and learn what options you have for leaving and doing this in a safe way. Try to focus now on what you feel you need at this moment and prioritise this. Be mindful he very likely will use tactics like manipulating you, making you doubt yourself and that anything is wrong with his behaviour. Next step could be just getting as much useful information from specialist domestic abuse services so you can make an informed decision on what do to moving forward.
Your local domestic abuse service can be searched for here. This is a free service where you can meet face to face with a worker who can take you through all your options. Women’s aid run a live chat service as well, Monday – Friday 10 am – 12 pm if this is useful. You can also call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247, if you just want to talk to someone over the phone. These services understand that what happens next is your decision and will not tell you what to do, nor judge.
Do keep posting on here as the women here will empathise and understand what you are going through.
All the best,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Hi littlelemon1234 – firstly, don’t apologise! My partner does the exact same thing. I’m sure it’s abuse, perhaps a power trip of some sort. We can have had the worst row ever and next thing I know he’s trying it on – it’s horrible. I go through with it, much like your experience, just to get it over with but also, I know I do it sometimes because I get so little affection, in the moment it feels nice to be close. If this happens in bed at night, I can almost guarantee the following day I will get “can you please stop pestering me in bed as I have to get up early” – I always say no, it’s you (I never initiate now as I’m so frightened of the rejection) but he just goes silent and obviously doesn’t agree.
Huge hug, it’s a horrible thing to happen. Keep posting, great advice from Lisa x

[Author]

Posts