Not sure what to think

[PalomaW]

Firstly, I can’t believe I’m here and I feel a bit silly, but I wanted some advice from you all.

I’ve been in my current relationship for (detail removed by moderator). Since then, I’ve encountered the following things, but brushed them off.

– Told me to remove everyone I’d ever had any type of relationship with off my social media accounts
– Becomes anxious whenever I go into (detail removed by moderator) as he is worried I will sleep with a co-worker
– Told me to remove a profile picture I had on social media (detail removed by moderator)
– Doesn’t like it when I speak to male friends who (detail removed by moderator)
– Said (detail removed by moderator) for lack of sex drive even though I was (detail removed by moderator) and severe symptoms of stress due to work and plummeting self confidence.

Recently, a situation arose which has strained the relationship even more and made me wonder if I’m the one that’s in the wrong. Please, be honest with me.

It transpired that he had looked through my phone (Detail removed by moderator), he became angry at me, telling me (detail removed by moderator)  but honestly I didn’t. It wasn’t until I took myself out of the house and looked through my phone that I realised what he was talking about.

In my last relationship, I cheated. This is something I’m not proud of and something I dwell on a lot. I’ve been cheated on before, in several relationships, so I know how it feels and I simply couldn’t believe I’d done it myself. In fact, it prompted me to go to therapy, which I’m still attending to this day.

Anyway, in my deleted messages he’d found a conversation from (detail removed by moderator) between myself and this person (detail removed by moderator). These texts are platonic how are you’s and had zero intention behind them at all. This person has also text me a few times since, but its clear that I haven’t responded. He doesn’t believe this. In fact, he thinks that I have been to see this person.

Since then, things have been awful. I’ve been stonewalled, called names including (detail removed by moderator), he’s told me he hates me, told me (detail removed by moderator). Some days we’re OK, but then something happens to trigger him and he brings it up again.

I feel worthless, lost, angry and guilty. I’m spend all day with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, scared that he’ll bring it up again. I don’t know how we can get past this, but I also don’t know if his behaviour is acceptable, despite what I’ve done?

It’s taken a lot for me to post this, because It’s a specific situation and I’m worried that he’ll find it.

[Lisa]

Hi PalomaW

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Your partner is controlling and also emotionally abusive, it must be really difficult for you.

You don’t deserve to be treated like this and made to feel guilty, your partners reaction is not ok and there is never an excuse to be so horrible to you.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Take care and keep posting,

Lisa

[Author]

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