Not sure whats going on here

[runner]

I spoke with my partner and asked him to tell me the truth about what he is doing. He said he could tell me but its the hate I would show. I wouldn’t but thatswhat he said i feel like there is more to this. But he did not have any intention of divorcing his wife even though he told me he did, he used culture as the issue at the time he met me telling me he was going to when we met approx (detail removed by moderator) years ago.

He didn’t say much when we spoke I had to keep pulling clues and things his family said to show him he had lied loads.

I have been back at work about (detail removed by moderator) months after maternity leave. Last few weeks have been weird. He seems to be deliberatey trying to set me or cause me to get angry. Our children stay with my parent when I work a (detail removed by moderator). After each shift he texts me he has picked the girls up and can you come straight home. Making me wonder why he feels the need to tell me to come straight home. He used to pick me up from work. So why all of a sudden stop? Last (detail removed by moderator) I asked him what hebdid with his day as he never talks about what he does ever. He looked stunned and got sarcy. He obviously passes my work place so why all of a sudden change. I have not asked. I think he expexted me to aske him why he does not give me a lift.

He is obviously going back to the house his wife lives in.
I think he is mad because I found loads out about him. Back a few months ago I went for a walk only 10 minutes. I got back my eldest daughter came down she only just (detail removed by moderator). She was crying and said Daddy slapped my face it stung and he said good. She would not be able to make that up. I confronted him and asked him his answer to have you slapped her around the face was, (detail removed by moderator). And she was really upset. Which then uset the baby. Now whenever I confront him about stuff he raises his voice I now reply with I am not going to raise my vo8ce around the children. Next time he raisez his voice I will just say I hope it makes you feel better.

Childrens services are involved as our daughter recently expressed at school that Daddy slapped her face and it made her feel sad. He does not know yet. But I have told them the dynamics of the relationship and told them that he is likely to deny it. But I bel8eve it happened. I have not heard back yet but they said because I want him out they are going to go the family support route so they can assist me with that.

Mean while I find it odd that he is hanging around if he does not want a relationship with me. He is not affectionate, never has a conversation with me, we do not do normal family things. My worry is he is wanting to run off with the kids and is just testing me.

[freedomtochoose]

I’m really sorry hon, but I feel your gut instinct may be right. It is quite possible that he is planning to run off with the kids. This may be a tough reality for you to face.

Looking back at when I left my ex, it literally took me YEARS to dismantle all the lies he told me, and the things that I didn’t realise when I was with him. That is a really hard thing to do as it is difficult to believe that someone could be deliberately so cruel.

He may also be trying to gather evidence that he, (not you) is the primary carer, so that he can argue this in court later. You need to be prepared for this as it may affect how much time you get to spend with your children later on, and it may affect your finances.

Good that ss. are involved and that he does not know, but please put your boundaries up. Even if worse case scenarios as described above are just me being hypervigilant and they never happen, if you are prepared for the worst and get something better, you will be on the right track I feel. Please also get legal advice if you haven’t already and I guess moderator will be helpful too. thinking of you. ftc. x

[freedomtochoose]

may also simply be he is trying to scare you
x

[runner]

He doesn’t scare me but I think its his way of gaining control. He knows I do not bow down to him so I think its his way exerting control .

[KIP.]

My ex was married to another woman for well over a year before I found out. Proposing marriage to me. Promising me a future all the while married to another woman. They are very much capable of living two lives at once. Often getting a thrill out of it. When he tires of one or the other. He’s got his safety net. He can also play you off against each other. Speak to a solicitor or ring Rights for Women. Start keeping all evidence you can if his double life. These men are expert liars and manipulators.

[Author]

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