Not very good at working out motives- advice needed

[teatime]

I feel such a nit because I am quite an open person and completely useless at working out people’s agendas/ motives.
A couple of rather unnerving personal things happened lately and I confided in a colleague because she gives the impression of being very open and listening and kind.
Later on, separate chain of events:
I had an issue with a someone in a group, inasmuch as they did not wish to stay for the group I was facilitating( cannot say what I was doing, but it’s work). There was no confrontation, I think the person had totally misunderstood the group’s activities and joined something she did not like doing- in a nutshell. I said goodbye and we went back to what we were doing.
I mentioned that this person had left to my colleague for monitoring reasons.
A load of emails went back and forth cross questioning me. I was not able to see into the person’s brain so I mostly said I did not know why she left but she had probably picked the wrong group.I also said the person was a little agitated throughout ( probably because she did not want to do the activity)
I now realise my colleague had thought something I did had put this person off.
This colleague also completed dropped me in it earlier this year and I had forgiven her as she was stressed at the time.She actually lied about something and said I had done it when it was her.
I should never have trusted her again!But I thought oh she seems so nice etc… and I am taken in by a pretty face.
I just keep missing signals and if it were not for my Mum I really would not know why anyone does anything half the time.I have a chronic illness x 2 and I have survived abuse.
My Mum’s really old so I worry who will tell me the truth if she goes?
My partner is just like me, a bit unable to work out motives.
Is there a book or something I can learn from. I am quite old and so experience has taught me little, because for many years I was with someone who squashed all my judgement and blamed me for things. And anyway, I have always been open hearted and a bit dim in this area.
Last year I had a sort of breakdown because of losing my home so I am trying hard to rebuild my life but my critical faculties seem paralysed and I just seem to want to please others.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there , firstly I jyst want to say how proud I am of you, you’ve came through so much. Some of us are natural born people pleasers, who don’t see others agendas. I find that once you begin to listen to your gut instinct, that wee Jiminy Cricket’s voice, that you’ll be able to see people for what they are. You are who you are, don’t change that fir anyone.
Keep posting and reading others posts, the knowledge you’ll gain might help you see others behaviours a bit more clearer.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[fizzylem]

Im not sure you need to read peoples agendas entirely, maybe just learn to trust your gut T? I think it was good of you to give this person another chance, it can be unpleasant in a work situation to carry stuff on yes?

Sounds like you feel you should have known what would happen only it also sounds to me you were never going to see this coming.

I wonder if its only now the time to be a bit more wary of the possibilty this person may cause difficulties in the future? Now its happened twice?

Agree with IWMB, be you, dont let others change you and put out your light x

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