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    • #159568

      Hi all,

      My ex held back my letters from PIP. My son has been bringing my letters but didn’t bring these specific ones so I know ex put them aside so son couldn’t bring them. I think he bought them by accident. 3 letters over (detail removed by Moderator) months, review form, reminder, stopped payments. He also kept my daughters letters re her carers allowance which she gets for me. So obviously that was stopped too.
      I know this is financial abuse but reporting it to the police is pointless as they’ve done nothing at all about all the other abuse even with mountains of evidence.

      He’s always been financially abusive. (detail removed by Moderator) on my credit card some years back which I’m still paying and will be for a long time yet.

      He’s living in my home, illegally, no right whatsoever to be there, it’s only in my name but no one will help get him out.

      I’m just so fed up. I’m already exhausted every day due to my illness’ and barely have any energy for just basic needs. All of this is just so unbearable. I feel so let down by the authorities that are supposed to be there to help. I feel really alone right now.

    • #159569

      This sounds awful. I’m so sorry.
      You can get an occupation order if it’s in your name. Look on the website. And there’s an agency who will fill the forms out for you too. Called Courtnav. It’s free.
      Hopefully you’ll be able to explain to the benefit department to enable your payments to be reinstated xx

    • #159594

      Hi, I am going to privately message you as my husband did this x

    • #159595
      Twisted Sister

      Hi Llamaly1

      I think you need support to do this. Its incredibly difficult to fight your way out, it takes all the energy that they continually drain from you, so you need all the support you can get. Its illegal for a start, for him to handle your post without your consent, even if its delivered to your property, he has no right to hold onto it, or open, or handle in any way. Can you let the PIP people know that you need to temporarily give them another address? That may be a simple way to stop it happening again? Just write a letter, or if you have time and energy to call, there could be considerable waits involved though. or can you nominate someone to help you to do this, to make a call for you, just to provide a temporary correspondence address?

      Its all extra work to do, but I hope that you can find some additional support, either through friends/family, or more formally through your GP, or local SS support for families like yourself needing carer involvement? Could your son/daughter perhaps do this?

      There are ways to have him removed from the house as a result of him making you leave in fear. HTHs will I’m sure have lots of helpful resources and pathways to follow.

      Do keep posting with anything else you need.

      warmest wishes


    • #159708

      Thanks for the replies and sorry I haven’t replied sooner.

      I have had several solicitors who have all been equally useless. The last one told me that it would be hard for me to get an occupation order (detail removed by moderator).

      He is trespassing/squatting which is illegal but police won’t help.
      Sorry but could you tell me what HTHs is please?

      My daughter is a huge source of help, don’t know what I’d do without her. She came with me to see my DV support worker and she phoned PiP for me and explained the situation and the lady immediately reinstated my pip and issued payment for the shortfall. I couldn’t believe it, she was so good. She’s sent me out a new review form which my daughter helped me fill in and we’ve sent it off.

      Carers people were extremely unhelpful tho and said she would have to reapply and there’s nothing they can do as she didn’t get in touch within 7 days, ludicrous! So she’s reapplied now but won’t get any money for at least 6 weeks and could be much longer apparently.

      He sent me messages through my son (removed by moderator), which I’ve told him so many times not to do, and then he sent me (removed by moderator) emails. I didn’t tell him I did a claim for UC and he’s just got a letter to say he’s being moved over to UC himself. He’s asking me all sorts of questions about it and I could tell he was having a go at me then in the emails he tried saying (removed by moderator)! He said they told him (removed by moderator). Obviously I know he wouldn’t get anywhere with that as I’m not the one who’s (removed by moderator).
      I haven’t replied and I’m not going to. I told him in my last response not to contact me unless it’s something about my son and he can’t message me himself.

      I’ve also got the council charging me council tax and saying I have to pay it even though I’m not living there and they won’t take his name of the housing until (removed by moderator).

      My GP has told me to refer myself back for counselling to explore the possibility I have PTSD, I do t much about it but I guess it’s possible.

    • #159713

      Also, I was wondering, I see a lot of posts of people saying that you can get a case worker from women’s aid, someone that will help and go with you to the police and can provide legal advice. I really really need someone official to speak to the police with/for me as I have gotten no where with them. I have so much evidence of different types of abuse and people willing to do statements but police won’t do anything.
      I have a DV support worker but when I asked if she could come with me to speak to someone she seemed very reluctant and said she could but she doesn’t think it will help at all. She has been very good in other areas but I don’t know why she doesn’t want to do this.
      He has literally committed so many crimes and is still doing so but there is no justice. Meanwhile he’s in my home, growing and smoking cannabis, with no legal right to be there, he’s trespassing and squatting, something else that is illegal, and me and (removed by moderator) children are living uncomfortably at my (removed by moderator) for so long with no end in sight.
      Thai so all so exhausting.

      • #159716
        Twisted Sister

        Hi Llamaly1

        You can report him certainly for growing weed in your property, the police will have to come to remove him and the weed and all the evidence from the house. At that time you could take a locksmith to the property and have the locks changed, making sure that very robust ones are put in, with additional locks also perhaps, and then a very obvious camera, and motion sensor lighting also.

        You can write him after to say all his goods will be returned, which can be left at a police station for him to collect, where there is cctv everywhere!

        Sorry to have confused, HTH stands for Hereforhelp, who responded further upthread, as she often signs off HTH, but I have just noticed that she didn’t that time, so I made that confusing! She was going to message you and I had hoped there would have been something very useful for your situation as its so similar to her own.

        I will reply further as soon as I can, got to dash.

        warmest wishes


      • #159718
        Twisted Sister

        I don’t know the law around trespassing and squatting in a council property, however, the council and the police have a duty to enforce the law around drugs.

        The situation is, as I understand it, is that you would be at risk if you were to try to live in your home with your son? Maybe the council could work with you on this basis, and your support worker liaise with a contact in the council to secure these measures? The council also have a duty to home you and your son, as he has made you both homeless. So they either move you back into your home, or into something else. His claim for HB would be invalid unless he is an official tenant of the council, and as you mentioned they ‘haven’t removed his name’, I am assuming that he is. Once he is violent, or there is DA, not just physical, I mean, then he would be rendering himself homeless, not you and your son!

        I will DM you separately about this.

        So glad you took that step and got your PIP reinstated, and that you have a support worker, who should be able to link you through to appropriate services for your situation. I am so sorry to hear that you have been so badly failed by services generally. Keep pushing, and if your support worker won’t get involved, then maybe you could be allocated another who would, how would you feel about raising this?

    • #159721

      Hi, I just wanted to let you know another possibility is getting a non molestation order, if you have sufficient evidence of DV, which prevents him from contacting you and on that basis you could get him out of the property. They can specifically say that he is not to visit the property address and he’d be in breach to do so. Occupation orders are difficult to get so this could be an alternative route for you.


    • #159722

      So, this site has a major flaw…I just typed out a reply, fairly lengthy, and when I went to post it went to log in so I signed in but it didn’t upload my post! Earlier I did copy and paste but that was for some other reason that I can’t remember now and I didn’t get signed out then, but I didn’t realise it would do that!
      I have no energy left to type it out again today so I’ll hopefully try tomorrow.
      So just for now, thanks to everyone xx

      • #159723
        Twisted Sister

        back arrow seems to work to go back to the unfinished post?

    • #159742

      I’m back. No the back arrow didn’t work unfortunately. I’ll try and remember to copy post before I post.

      So, I privately rent, tenancy in my name only. I stopped my housing benefit claim and haven’t reapplied for it so I don’t understand the comment about nit removing his name as I don’t have a claim anymore.
      Landlord wants him out too. We want him out without notice because he will destroy the place and also he’ll refuse to go anyway so it would be a battle through courts and bailiffs…even tho police could get him out if they wanted too, they have the power to.

      He’s been reported so many times for growing, by many different people, they don’t care. Only once they went there and that’s because landlord reported him after a visit. They arrested and charged him for it all, inc supply, but for some reason dropped all charges even tho they literally had the evidence in their hands. They really don’t care.

      I would feel awkward asking for a different support worker, I was hoping I might be able to get another advocate type person to go to police with me and who could give legal advice.

      , I’ve been told I can’t get a non mol as there has not been incidence of threatening behaviour in 10 days, 3 weeks, whatever the time limit is. I don’t know if the emails and texts would count as anything? Previous ones, tho more than 3 weeks ago, was threatening to report me to police! But too long ago. Recent ones are harassment as I’ve told him in email not to contact me again.

      I’m so, so drained by it all. If I can just get my home back then so much stress will be lifted, I could start to actually move on and have a life, my children deserve this and need this. It’s MY home!!

      Council are talking me I still have to pay council tax even tho I’m not there! Citizens advice trespassers/squatters are higher in the list for liability than me! But trying to tell council this is impossible as they don’t listen, they’re always right.

      I’ve had cable company take nearly £100 from me which I do t owe, they owe me, now they’re trying to say they’ll send me a cheque and they can’t pay it back via my bank! I can’t get to the bank, it’s in town so can’t park right outside and I can barely walk.

      I’ve had another payment come out that the bank had supposedly blocked so have to phone them too and another company said they couldn’t take payment and have charged me a fee but I have a direct debit set up and it’s been going for a long time so it’s a problem with them but No, immediately penalise me and another phone call I have to make.

      There’s always something every day. I get so anxious making phone calls too but it’s so much money that I haven’t got and need back but everything’s a fight.

    • #161164

      Dear Discombobulated,

      I can relate to your comments. I was also let down by services that should have helped me. I was made homeless by my ex and had to move to another part of the country to rehouse myself. Where it was just awful. I’m currently suffering from Arthritis and was informed by PIP that I’m fine and entitled to nothing. It’s very hard when you become anxious due to your disability and I’m just trying to survive. I did manage to seek advice from the Citizen’s Advice Bureau regarding my housing needs many years ago and they were the only service that didn’t let me down. I ended up staying in my marital home until I had to leave. I couldn’t afford an occupational order, non-molestation order or an injunction against my abuser and many legal services had let me down to the point of supporting my ex-husband. In the end, I just had to cut my losses and move. Since then, I’ve lived on my own and made sure everything is my name. I don’t want to end up homeless again. There isn’t much support for women who have gone through domestic abuse and the abuse just doesn’t end when you leave. Years of PTSD from my immediate family and the relationships I’ve had have taken their toll on me emotionally. All I want is peace.

      I sincerely hope you manage to resolve your issues, and wish you all the luck on staying safe,


    • #164658
      Door mouse

      I left it to late

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