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    • #134274

      Hey everyone I hope you are all well.

      just wanted to rant really, I have been to couple of interviews and despite having qualifications, being bilingual and learning languages independently, and having experience. I am being rejected left right and centre.
      I have been signed off sick and i will not be paid for this time off. so my financial sutuation is c**p.
      i am going for my scan today as i feel i have brain damage after my abusive relationship.
      i wasnt as sharp as i was before (like i wasnt clever to begin with but now im reallu dumb). i just want to know why is everything going extremely terrible for me.. its like one bad thing after another. i feel like hes ruined my life.

      I feel extremely lonely, I was used to being with my ex hubby all the time. i really miss him and i wish i could hold him 🙁 we are not married by english law just islamic law and i basically just have to send a letter saying i no longer want to be married to him. Then i will have to observe a waiting period of 3 months then our marriage is over. This makes me sad and i dont feel like sending him anything. He’s in prison now so i would have to write to him, i drafted a very brief letter. although i know my marriage i just still feel like im not ready to send the letter?
      i reported him to the police and everything. but still why do i want him why do i have such mixed emotions towards him.
      like on one hand i reported him and on the other i dont want to send a paper confirming everyhing.
      i hate men now but i know in a way i will eventually need to be with someone but im scared i will get someone awful again.

      i feel like a failure; jobless and divorced

      did anything good happen to anyone on here after they left their abusive partners?

    • #134281

      I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. Things will get easier over time.

      I hope that your scan goes well. I found that the trauma and the stress of dealing with everything really affected my memory and concentration. When things flare up with my ex (we have kids together so I can’t cut him out entirely) this always comes back and I feel really foggy for a while. I think this is a really common thing unfortunately.

      The job market is really hard currently, so try not to see rejections as personal or a sign that you’re not worth a good job. I had a really hard time finding my current role and was rejected for various more junior ones before getting something on a higher salary than I’ve ever had before. So things can work out well unexpectedly still.

      Do you have support via people like Women’s Aid or the GP? Counselling or CBT could be helpful too. Read up about trauma bonding as it may help you understand why you miss your ex despite the things he did.

    • #134331

      did you manage to get diagnosed with any conditions? im worried i have traumatic brain injury and this was linked to my miscarriage when my ex attacked me.

      i just want these emotions to disappear because nothing is going right for me and me dreaming about him isnt helping.
      i really hope that happens to me! i just want a job and something positive i can focus on!

      i have no counselling or anything the iapt is still deciding what treatment to give me i will know soon but i have just been waiting for AGES! i feel frustrated

    • #134332
      Wants To Help


      You have had so much trauma to deal with that I’m not at all surprised that you are struggling with some things at the moment. To have a miscarriage under any circumstances is tragic, but even more so in the situation that caused yours.

      Have you thought about speaking to a support service in relation to this? I have put a link to one of the charities below, there is also SANDS that may help too.

      Our support services

      I would be very surprised if you have a brain injury, I think you are experiencing and suffering from the effects of severe trauma. I hope you can get some counselling support soon.

      • #134339

        I never mentioned the brain fog type symptoms to the GP as it was clear that they were anxiety related. There was a very stressful period some time after I left (when ex was kicking off and making all sorts of false accusations) when I had issues with stomach pain, headaches, swollen fingers, peeing all the time, period issues and all sorts of other things. The GP did some tests, and insisted it was all anxiety related. I was totally unconvinced at the time, but it did all go away – but sometimes comes back when I’m stressed again. Stress can cause a huge range of physical symptoms.

        Having said that, with your history it is definitely reassuring that you’re getting scans. Brains / heads are very resilient things thankfully so fingers crossed all will come back clear.

    • #134335

      hi wantstohelp,

      thank you so much for that link and for ur advice! i have spoken to miscarriage association and they were brilliant!

      the reason why i think i have brain damage is bevaise my ex often attacked my head (he knew no bruises would show) i would never be able to go doctors as he wouldnt allow me to see docyors or hospotal.
      i had repeated blows on my head with hard metal objects and i have been smashed against walls. this was also during my pregnancy and i have seen any form of head injury will cause the foetus to be at risk and thats what happened. 🙁

      i have memory problems now and difficulty concentrating and chronic headaches i feel there must be something wrong with me. traumtic brain injury and dv victims there is a strong link.

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