Now the fog has gone…

[Pinkvelvet]

Hi all,

I haven’t even logged into here in a while, which I see as a good sign. In the last few months I’ve been for counselling, which has worked wonders – strongly recommend it to all of you if you get the chance. I spoke to my GP, and they gave me a list of options for self-referral. I was on a waiting list for a while, but so glad I took the opportunity once I got it. It gives you something to focus on and look towards each week. I was sceptical if it would help but my god, it was worth it.

Some things I want to share with you all if you’re still feeling foggy, still in crippling pain and anxiety and feeling broken-hearted:
The pain will pass. The anxiety will lessen. Once the fog starts to shift, you’ll step back and go ‘oh my god, now I can see what has happened and what I was dealing with all this time’. I used to read on here that things would get easier and I didn’t believe it because I was practically in agony each night crying myself to sleep. He was my best friend and person I loved the most. I still can’t believe what he did to me and how much love I gave, only to be abused. I’m not sure it’ll ever make sense, and I think a part of me will never truly be ‘over’ it.

BUT, it does get easier! It really really does. I never thought I’d see the day where I’d have blocked him on everything but I have – and contrary to what I initially believed, it has helped and it has made me feel better.

Of course I still have sad moments. I still have moments where I miss him and think about things. That’s one of the reasons I’m on here today. But the pain has lessened and I can think about the memories now with a little less sadness, and a bit more thankfulness. Thankful that there were good times, and thankful that I was able to get out before the bad ones became even worse.

So if you’re freshly out of your relationship or considering leaving and wondering if the pain will ever stop – yes, it does. With time. And with letting yourself feel. And in my case, with some counselling added to that mix too.

Hope this gives you all some encouragement and to know it gets better. It felt impossible to feel this way just a few months ago. Lots of love to you all x

[ddia]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It’s filled me with hope! I’ve been out a while and had a great run of happiness and positivity, but the last week I’ve been thinking of him a lot, wondering whether I’d exaggerated it all and really missing him. But every time I have nearly unblocked him, I’ve resisted and without fail am so glad I didn’t. No good can come of it. But my god it’s so so hard.

It helps me so much to know there are other women out there feeling like this, fighting the mental battle over and over. And to know that it does get better. Huge well done to you xx

[Discombobulated2022]

Thank you so much! Just what I needed.
I’m so pleased you’re feeling so much better.
I’d say the fog is starting to lift for me and I’m upset. And angry. Like you say, that the person I loved the most and the hardest would manipulate and abuse me. I loved him! I gave my everything and fought to make us work. Where as he was just a t**t!

[Camel]

Hi discombobulated,

I love the original post of hope. But I love your final comment the most 🙂

‘He was just a t**t!’

This is the truth in five simple words.

[nbumblebee]

I love this post i really really do.
I wish i could clear the fog see my way through and i try so hard bit then he turns moves the posts starts on the niceness and im back sucked in again and again.
But these posts help they give me hope and really helps fuel that tiny fire burning inside.
Thank you and a huge huge well done to you. I hope you continue to heal grow and enjoy life xxxx

[PopPetal]

Yes, I repeat everything above about how good it is to read a success story. I am a few years along the road, but it is still a bumpy process. I keep reading and re-reading alot of books and think I have got my head round things, but then coming across an old photo or old email still touches me which I find upsetting. I still feel guilty myself for being drawn in, putting up with it for so long, and hiding the truth from friends who could have helped me. I guess that it’s so important to have the chance to share here because no one else really understands it unless they have actually experienced the abuse (mental or physical)?

[Author]

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