Viewing 9 reply threads
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    • #10075
      prof fj lewis
      Participant

      left ex last year due to domineering and coercive behaviour. We have a child together
      since then child and contact has been used to continue the abuse.
      had to stop contact due to emotional harm and neglect
      now we are in court and all types of horrible and totally untrue allegations being thrown at me. (removed by moderator) he lives in feat of ME abusing him.
      Wider paternal family all chipping in (removed by moderator) that contain false but serious allegations.
      I have moved home to stop harassment at my house. come off social media. changed my phone number and now this.
      Just so sick of it. When will he get bored and leave me alone

    • #10077
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi and hugs

      I haven’t got any advice on the courts but I wanted to show my support of your situation.

      I wonder if they ever tire of abusing us. I would say the truth will come out, stay strong.

      FS xx

    • #10079
      prof fj lewis
      Participant

      I do not need court advice. I am ok with that and cannot discuss any specifics of the case anyhow.
      I am just sick of the disruption this man and his family are causing me. I have never been nasty to him.
      It is quite some time now since I left but these lot are showing no signs of moving on and leaving me alone.

    • #10080
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Prof fj lewis, sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. It is so distressing when people that you previously had a good relationship with turn on you too. Just hold your head high and remember that you are not in the wrong and never were. You know the truth even if they are happy to back an abuser.

      It will get easier in time, it can just take longer than it should sometimes. Stay strong.

      Best wishes

      Lisa

    • #10092
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hiya,

      Welcome to the Forum, its good you posted for support. Gather as many supports around you as you can. These abusers (and their allies) are too much for anyone to tackle on their own.

      You ask when will your abuser (and his allies) move on and leave you alone? When will he get bored and leave you alone?

      A book I found very helpful was ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin de Becker. There is a chapter on how to deal with people who refuse to let go. I read and re-read that chapter time and time again. It helped me in letting go of my abuser. Its basically the ‘No Contact with our abusers’ strategy.

      They ‘get bored’ with us when they get no reaction from us. He is still abusing you big-time using the courts but I’m glad you have good court advice.

      You sound very strong already as that’s extremely difficult to deal with the abuse of false allegations against you via court. Keep posting and reading the other ladies posts on here. You will manage to maintain your strength.

    • #10104
      prof fj lewis
      Participant

      I only stayed ad long as I did because he said if I left him he would use the courts to make sure I never saw the child again. Fortunately for me I can disprove most of what him and his relatives and friends are saying.
      The abuse has actually been far worse since I have left. when I was with him I was on good terms with the relatives and now I am having to deal with them as well. If anything I would say one particular relative is far worse than he is. Just so fed up with it all.

    • #10107
      Serenity
      Participant

      I sympathise FJ, because mine won’t let up either.

      My advice is, play the long game. Let him make his accusations, stand tall in your truth, log everything, create an evidence notebook to use to back you up if needed in the future, just stick to living by your values.

      If his harassment worsens, take it to the police.

      Look up the Gray Rock method on google – in as many situations as you can, feign ignorance and almost act like you’ve not noticed anything ( even if you are seething underneath ) as they will get bored over time with no reaction from you. They rely on attention: don’t give him any.

      x

    • #10215
      prof fj lewis
      Participant

      I am gutted today. Just gutted. Had a customer come to my house and criticise me as I do not own a desk to work at.
      I do not own much furniture. I lost it all when I left. He had been very clever and insisted the tenancy was in his sole name so I had no n legal right to kick him out.
      So we lost our house. Moved. Due to the in laws pitching up at our new house shouting abuse we moved when the 6 month tenancy was up.
      Just moved to new house and he does not have our address.
      He never worked and I did. I paid for everything in that house and left with a suitcase and a few bin bags of clothes.
      So no I do not own a blooming desk the stupid stuck up woman.

    • #10238
      Ayanna
      Participant

      You can report the relatives for harrassment. Just go to the most convenient police station for yourself and speak to the police. Relatives have no right to get involved. They move on very thin ice. Once you report them they need to prove they did not do what you accuse them of. This will keep them busy and scare them too.

    • #10289
      prof fj lewis
      Participant

      Police have been next to useless. There was even an incident of hate crime where a protected characteristic of me was mocked (not going to state whether it was race religion sexuality as it may identify me) Copper told me it is not hate crime if it is said behind closed doors something which I later found out was false.
      I have given up even reporting them as the police do jack

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