28th January 2016 at 1:50 pm #8511
I have been gone a long time now [removed by moderator]. I have gone over and over it all endlessly in the last few months. The story makes my friends cry, parents upset but me i’m cold and detached. I feel like its someone else’s story and this scares me that on the day it won’t come across as well as it should.
Has anyone else been through this? I have had support from Womens Aid but after living this nightmare for so very long I seem to have lost the emotion and can’t really quite process all that has happened..
28th January 2016 at 3:55 pm #8523AyannaParticipant
Yes, this can happpen when it takes too long. It also happened to me. Strangely inside the court room I woke up and was extremely distressed. I had difficulties seeing the hearings through. And this got worse with every hearing. I talked with tears in my eyes and could not talk normal, either yelling or crying. Then I was not myself for days afterwards, and at some point I went back into this grey matter that is my life now.
28th January 2016 at 7:10 pm #8533MoonParticipant
I totally get where you are coming from – I am totally emotionless about everything and I hate myself for the person I have become.
I think I just built up a wall so I wasn’t hurt anymore but now I can’t break it down … Didn’t even cry at a funeral yesterday.
My idva thinks I’m going to crash soon and all emotions will come out.
I think we are just scared to let go maybe as could lose control and realise how scarey and sad our situations are ???
Hope you are ok and big hugs I always feel that’s helps 😀Xx
28th January 2016 at 10:48 pm #8540one day at a timeParticipant
Totally relate to what you describe. I feel numb too.
I think it is a normal reaction to trauma. So take each day or even each hour at a time and be gentle with yourself. Every one else around you can feel emotional because they didn’t go through it.
You’re reacting normally to the horrors of what you went through. Xx
29th January 2016 at 12:59 am #8556SavingmyselfParticipant
Yes numb here too
29th January 2016 at 6:25 am #8557
Thank you I feel so much better to know that its normal.Last time I was in a situation near him I just couldn’t stop shaking my body genuinely couldn’t control itself which was a shock maybe this will be the same again.
I think that to truly accept what has happened would be too awful. I guess that I drag myself along until the end. Maybe once this is over the crash and burn will come I don’t know. I can’t believe that there isn’t more to stop people having to go through this over and over.
29th January 2016 at 1:54 pm #8569Confused123Participant
u not alone, we all feel numb, its the way our body copes, u will find when we around them our body senses the danger and will give us a sign, it senses the fear in us, i used to think i was going mad when i first left ex any contact with him would leave me shaking, tensed up and on nerves, only picked up that it always happens when his around,s o def trust your body. I like a lot of ladies blank abuse out, put a mirror/wall up within myself to take pain so i didtn have to deal with it, wasnt till i did counselling and just ahd tears rollign down my eyes telling lady i cant cry though cause its his rule, she was like but u can , she made me realize what happend was so wrong , it wasnt me like he made me to beleive, and instead of focusing on abuse he did to me, which for me was bad on every level i was like but i failed as a wife, i failed his test, there was no test really, i juyst couldnt cope with the abuse buit its how they make our mind work . Keep gettign support receovery is a long road
29th January 2016 at 2:19 pm #8575
I shake like a leaf its really disturbing and he mocks me saying i’m a great actress and how I can’t be genuinely scared because if I was really that anxious I couldn’t work or function its so cruel it really is. Maybe one day it will go away. But then I should be very afraid so my body isn’t too far off he’s still in my head and its hard to get him out of there and to know that I am right and that others believe me.
29th January 2016 at 4:06 pm #8583Confused123Participant
Yes hun u not alone, and please do keep posting, in time u will calm down as u get stronger, my ex used to say same im acting, i swear do these men have a book that they follow,, i fnd once u accept what happened and deal with the emotions u get stronger and beter, recovery is long so dont expect iy to be over straight away
30th January 2016 at 12:26 pm #8630
I think its bizarre how they all say the same things. I was always dramatic a liar and a martyr it was just horrible being there terrified of him and what he might do next, living on egg shells. He had no compassion for any pain physical or otherwise that is perhaps one of the most disturbing things he really does believe he has done nothing wrong and that it is all my fault.
31st January 2016 at 12:02 am #8670AyannaParticipant
I think you speak of the twin brother of my ex abuser …
Scary how similar these men are …
On the other hand, after all our suffering they are easy to identify, should we ever happen to meet abusers again at some point in life due to adverse circumstances …
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