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Having a few flash backs lately to moments when I was with him, not had them for a while as I have not felt as haunted by him, think because I’ve made sense of most of what happened and why. Am stressed though atm and taking him on through the correct channels so this may be something to do with it?
So I had this flashback, not thought about it since the day it happened which is now several years ago, cant make any sesne of why it’s presented itself to me now or what it means. He was crying and I was trying to comfort his young child and get the child to bed, trying to diffuse the situation and help, as he’d lost it with his child again, this child could stay up til 1am back and forth from the bedroom, would only go off if dad was with him and this could take quite literally hours (now wondering if the manipulator got locked in the manipulation by his son here? And as manipulation was all either of them knew it kind of got stuck, his son was giving him what he gave him, was the apprentice? So maybe dad didnt know how to deal with it? The child would also get up a few times in the night as well, and usually wet the bed, he also used to soil his pants for attention as he got older as well. It would leave evryone tired the next day and unable to do normal family things because of this. It was riddiculous really, it felt like child ruled the roost.
All I can remember is at that time none of it made any sesne to me, I didn’t undertsand why he was crying. I felt the child needed boundaries and routine, felt we agrred that this is what we needed to do, only when it came to it he never did it, just dont think he knew how, really didnt get it. I thought we both struggled for years to get his child to bed and to sleep when he visited, that this was my role, to try and help them both, but in fact it turned out it was only me who thought this, it was when I realised we’d having the same difficulty for so many years and nothings changed that I then realised I’m the only grown up here aren’t I, he’s led me to belive we’re in this together and want to help the child but it was only really me who saw the child needed help here, all those chats about how to help the child were yeah yeah, passive aggression. It still seems very odd to me, I cant nail this aspect down – the what did it all mean? Now thinking likely because I dnt have all the info.
But why am I thinking about this now? Dont get the significance. Still dont get why he was crying, was it a moment when he realised he is a rubbish dad? He never had boundaries with this child and would then lose it with him when he’d had enough, but the child never got any warning that his dad was about to blow, didnt know where the line was. This child went on to bully my daughter; became his father in many ways – no empathy.
Not happy to this day about her spending time over there with either of them. Feel she’s learnt this is just how it is, just how they are, try to lie low to avoid, keep the peace x
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Sometimes you just get flashbacks for no other reason than your connections up there in the brain are rewiring, I don’t know what I am talking about, just guessing, what I want to say is, flashbacks sometimes don’t have to signify anything, it just is, you know 🙂
I am glad for you that you don’t live in this situation with him anymore, sounds terrible to have your nights interrupted like this and have your daughter bullied by another child.
I don’t know if your daughter is old enough to go online yet but there is a website for young people to learn about bullying behaviour and healthy relationships and abuse on loverespect co ukHope your flashbacks leave you alone soon. Here’s to better times.
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It’s a message- your having to deal with this all over again to get this done xx when we get abused the penny drops very slowly xx I’m the same I had to call the police when he wrecked my house. I only just realised a few weeks ago now the reason behind this and this happened quite a mover of years ago now. He had pushed his way into the house to find bills with his name on because he had been given legal advice that if he could prove he had contributed he could (detail removed by moderator). When I stopped him looking through the mail he went mad and wrecked the house xx I never understood why before but now I do. I had dreams too from the past when o fought for custody it’s like fitting a jigsaw puzzle together in the end we make perfect sense of their crazy thinking xx
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What this says to me is your very near to nailing this b*****d to the wall 🙂💪❤️Pardon my french but it’s true xx
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Pmsl – hope so. We’ll see.
Just read that post back, and think Ive just made sense of the passive aggression – he never listened to my suggestions re how to help, because he’s a mysogynist and this was ‘his son’ – and they rule supreme –
funny when I look back, I really thought we were in an intimate, open and honest relationship at the time – were two adults – for a long time, silly me lol; theyre hoodwinking skills are quite something. I was always the dumb woman that worked for him and made life easier doing all his mundane stuff for him, sex on tap, our problems really started when I stopped putting out lol. Got another bit anyway x*x
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