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    • #14786
      betterdays
      Participant

      Is making me so worried. As I’m out now and thinking clearer thing’s are piecing together but I hope I’m not scaring myself here. My oldest son who wernt my abusers son suddenly shut down from my ex abuser emotionally detached himself completely looking back years aago bout (age removed by moderator) my son once buried my abusers clothes under the trampoline in the garden he has said odd times to me my son how he knows something bare in mind my son is autism and also l.disabilities. My son has also bought work boots as he saw my ex wear these I hate to think this but I hope there as never been sexual abuse x

    • #14791
      Serenity
      Participant

      Better days,

      I posted something similar last week.

      I was worried as my DV worker said to me last year that my sons probably haven’t told me everything about how he was to them when I wasn’t there, and how I told her I was thankful I had boys not girls, as I would have been worried as my ex was sexually inappropriate to me. She said to an abuser, the gender of a child makes no difference. I then began to have a panicky feeling about it last week.

      • #14793
        betterdays
        Participant

        Hi serenity I feel the same my gut feelings telling me something is wrong. I don’t know what to do….x

    • #14811
      White Rose
      Participant

      support your son, continue to provide a safe nurturing home for him to feel safe in. Have any others involved with him eg school, college, specialists voiced any worries to you? Often children’s behaviour changes in ALL areas of their lives when they are under stress for whatever reason. If he has changed there too then talk to his SENCO/TA etc for specifics and flag it up with GP/other doctor or direct with NSPCC maybe?
      Main thing is to support and love and be a mum not an inquisitor (you don’t need to be told that I know but sometimes we need to remember we’re mum’s first and last).
      I know my ex emotionally abused our daughter mercilessly, also physical abuse. I panicked about possible sexual abuse too when I was mulling everything over after we left. Years ago I went away on a course and came back to find she’s wet the bed a few times and was so clingy I could hardly leave her for 5 minutes to go to the loo. I thought at the time it was odd but it was the first time I’d ever been away from her so thought it was probably that. I still wonder but she’s quite open with me about “our past life” and we have talked sex etc a lot recently as she is older and nothing in her behaviour makes me worry.
      I feel for you and your fears – children are so special and sensitive and it’s so critical not to pressurise them with communication especially in stressful or sensitive areas. Autistic children need even more sensitivity. You know him better than anyone else and if you’re worried about him ask for help/advice from other experts. It may simply be your ex has said hurtful things to your son about you and has sworn him to secrecy and now he’s confused.
      Whatever it is – you’re his mum, if you’re worried seek help and keep battering on doors till you can be reassured.
      Thinking of you xx

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