OK – so I THINK Im going to do it…….

[mixed-up mum]

This is the next stage in my ‘operation get a life quest’!!

I’m actually thinking of trying to go to do our local ’beach clean up’ – I’ve done it for years. We used to do it as a family, him , me and the two kids. Once a year the Boys Brigade do it, to raise funds, they get so much per bag of rubbish (by weight).
The last two years me and my son did it together, its a community event, and its a very ‘social occasion’, we have tea and coffee and sandwiches and cakes afterwards.

My son has stopped going BBs in the last year, and so he now refuses to go to do this, but I have done it for so many years now – and I really feel like I want to try and go again.

It’s actually an ’individual event’, in that you can go there on your own, grab a bag and just pick up rubbish off the shore, there is no pressure to speak to people as really your head is down all the time looking for rubbish.
It’s amazing what gets washed up, big bits of rope off of fishing boats, down to as small as a toothbrush!!! And loads of plastic bottles and bottle tops!!!
It’s very satisfying, at the end of the day to see how many bags have been gathered, sometimes 60-70!!!

There’s people who go to that every year, some I never see them again until the next year – and as I say you can chat if you want to – but if you don’t want to, then you are just there and do the clean up.

My daughter is working, and my son goes to his dads, so it would get me out of the house, its just for two hours. It’s depends on the weather too, its not a brilliant forecast, and I’m not that keen to go that I’ll get soaked for it!!!!

But I think I can do this……..well I HOPE I can…………

[Serenity]

You can! 😃

[Ayanna]

This is a brilliant way of getting out. You do something very useful for Mother Earth too! Maybe you also meet some people with whom you can have some light chats about the weather. The beginning of socializing … 🙂

[mixed-up mum]

Hi Ayanna – well I did enjoy doing my bit for the community – but unfortunately hat was all I got from the day – the social side was a failure…….

[mixed-up mum]

Well I did it …..I went….. But did not enjoy it this year on my own.

As I said you are under no pressure to talk to people, because that’s not what you are there for, you’re there to clean the beach.
Which I do enjoy, and there is a certain satisfaction from seeing all the bags pile up….but I had hoped for it to be more of a social occasion too.

I spoke to 2-3 people, but they were there with their husbands, and children and they stayed with their own families, ate with their own families, and chatted to others with families.

I honestly don’t know if they would have bothered to talk to me, if I hadn’t spoken to them, we merely passed the time of day, discussed the weather etc and that was it.

No one waited for me, and no one spoke to me while I ate, so I just left…..

Nobody sees single people on there own, nobody makes an effort to include me…..nobody, thought oh there’s Mrs X on her own, I’ll chat to her…..disappointing. 🙁

[Falling Skys]

Hi mum

You did it well done you.

Keep doing these things you will get there.

FS xx

[Serenity]

I think you have proved to yourself how brave you really are, M.U.M- more than you knew!

Sometimes these events aren’t what we hoped. There might have been someone there who was more sociable if you’d have been more lucky.

The good thing is that you are free now to dip in and out of things.

Of you go to something and don’t like it, you are few to leave, as you are your own free agent now! You don’t have to worry about keeping an abuser happy anymore- you are free!

The more things you try, the more you will find what you like and the more chance you will have of coming across people you gel with.

Well done! Onwards and upwards!

[mixed-up mum]

Thanks Falling Skys – its SO hard – but I hope one day I will get there……..

[mixed-up mum]

Hi Serenity – well thank you so much for your kind words – its just that I really don’t FEEL at all brave – I have really been trying to make a better life for myself – and making myself get out there – but then its like IM getting nothing back…….

I know it most likely looks as if Im being really ‘needy’, and maybe I am – but I just need somebody to ‘gee’ me up and help me LIVE again…….

I do know Im lucky to be out, and be free from his control now and able to go places, and do anything I want now – but that’s easier said than done when you have had all your confidence zapped from you…….

I just want to feel like Im getting somewhere – like I am actually achieving something – and moving on……

[Author]

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