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Hi ladies,
So, I have a very important interview (detail removed by moderator). I have been out to get a new outfit which I couldn’t afford so put it on my account. I really didn’t have anything else to wear that I fit into so it had to be done. HE has been at work all day and on the way home he called. I told him where i’d been and what i’d been doing and he started to rant at me, moaning and telling me how wrong I was. I put the phone down on him and carried on with my evening with out children, he called repeatedly but I didn’t answer.
When I got back I tried to tell him how important the (detail removed by moderator). (I also have an important event the day after my interview) Before I could finish my sentence he cut me off saying i know i’m in the wrong and that’s why I am ignoring him and shouting.
Was I wrong to ignore his calls? I just don’t feel like I can listen to his lectures anymore and they go on forever until i eventually agree with him. I don’t feel like I am in the wrong, and when the shoe is on the other foot i support him.
It is so textbook, I have an important thing coming up so he is creating an issue, but I can’t help feeling like I have antagonised things… my overriding feeling is that he is not supporting me or even happy for me that I am going for something good. -
they want you to be dependent on them because it gives them power over you. he wont want to see you do well, or worse(in his eyes) better than him. this is text book abuse, it really does boil down to there insecurities their inferiority when you scratch the surface of the arrogance of these men. you did the right thing ignoring him you set a boundary – the only thing is these men never respect our boundaries. dont feel any blame for standing up to him, your not the same so please dont feel like your behaving in a similar way. were conditioned into feeling like this x*x love diymum
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You are an adult woman and as such you are entitled by right to make your own decisions about what you do and do not spend money on. I’ll bet that he can justify every single penny he spends whether you can afford it or not. As for whether you are wrong to have ignored his calls. No, you are not wrong. You are choosing not to be abused by him. Remember these people become angry when we dare to take control of our own decisions. I have lost count of the times when I have been shouted at and called horrendous names for not responding to my oh’s questions which almost always sound like an inquisition than a reasonable enquiry. I hope that your occasion/event is everything you want it to be and even if it doesn’t turn out how you’d hoped it would then you still have the knowledge that you have taken some control back for yourself. Keep posting and keep safe. You are not wrong and you are not alone x
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Hi there, first off well done on getting the interview, I wish you the best of luck🍀
What he is doing is textbook, it’s designed to unnerve you, make you anxious, not concentrate 100% on whatever it is you’re doing, whether it’s an interview, going out with friends or family, even going out with him. It’s all designed to make you less than😏 you were totally right to ignore his calls, well done 👏 listen to what he’s telling you, it’s his confession, if you replace you with me or I, it makes more sense. Your overriding feelings are your intuition, listen to it, it’s never wrong. What you can do is smash the interview and go onto enjoy the event afterwards as well. He’s behaving like a child, acting all spoilt because you aren’t putting him at the centre of your world.textbook again😄 Again good luck with the interview, start building up your financial life, it will be your way out from him on be day.
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕 -
I honestly cannot thank you ladies enough for responding, it makes me feel like I am not alone. There are people around me that know what I am going through but they don’t really get it. Sometimes I feel like a phony because he has been much worse in the past but isnt so bad now – only difference is I don’t tolerate it anymore.
I have come to terms with the fact that he will never be my best friend, so he will not ruin my day tomorrow!With love,
Overcome -
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Hello Overcome, just wanted to say I totally understand. I decided I wanted to return to work after a few years of staying at home (which was perfect for him). He didn’t like the idea but would not come out and say it. But I never got wished good luck on days of interviews. When I got a job, the day before I started he kicked off big time, causing arguments and throwing things. I started my new job not talking to him, not in a good space but determined I was doing this. My job has been my escape, I love going, just to forget things for a while. He hates that dinner is later and stuff like that But has never offered to help do more.so well done you standing your ground, keep doing it and your confidence will grow. I also think he will never be my best friend, that husband I feel I can turn to for support for anything and it does make you feel sad.
Keep posting, the support here is amazing
DD xx -
Thank you everyone for replying, it made me feel 10x better. The interview went really well and was offered the job straight away so yay for me!
When I got back home he had tidied up but thrown a little pile of bits and bobs all over the floor for me to clear up (he knows I find that frustrating). I left it and went up to my child’s room and had a nap. He then text me asking if I wanted to talk like a grown up about it, again I ignored it, I could feel my anger rising and didn’t want to react to him so I just had a nap.
That was it, when I woke he had left to go to watch a sporting event, I had to communicate about something to do with the children so I text him asking him about it. He replied in similar terms… why are you doing this now? This is kind of a big deal for me (about said sporting event). Is this a trigger? It made me feel sad and angry at the same time, I felt selfish how I immediately thought about my big events and how he hasn’t acknowledged them once. I didn’t react or respond, I just carried on with my evening.
He started texting like nothing had happened, asking lots of questions about the children, I had to cut the conversation short as I was revising for an exam coming up imminently. His response? Always revision… Is it so hard to just be supportive, I just can’t believe I have ended up with someone so cold towards me.
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