22nd February 2016 at 12:25 pm #10199
Am in so much disbelief, he actually didnt get charged with nothing , all those years of beatings and trying to kill me and he got away just cause the people that could of back my story chose to defend him, gosh cant begin to explain how gutted i feel , why im so obsessed with about how much his family is going to be laughing that they got away with doing it is beyond me, they say wait till karma comes around but just doesnt feel enough justice, could just go to sleep and try forgey it all but cant cause working, feel so stupid cant stop crying, people are like r u ok, its like yeah fine contact lenses playing up even though they must know im lying its clear ive been crying. am trying to console myself and tell myself that i got away thats the most important thing and i need to focus on putting my life forward and getting somewhere , maybe this is the wake up call that this chapter has to be closed and i need to concentrate how i go forward in life , wish i could hurt this family back but they really r unhurtable , nothing hurts them , they just hurt me then wash there hands of me , well this has confirmed def dont want there surname once divorce is through. do people just not have a conscious i ask myself , how do they really sleep after doing this to some one,i def need a drink to get over this , but then dont even think a drink would help cause u cant change nothing, u just have to accept that i let this t**t waste mylife and hurt me beyond words can say, really feeling like sending him and the b in law text hope they happy they got away again, theyd prob reply yes or ignore me to show how little value they have for me, was just saying to officer too its so unfair no matter what evidence i put through not enough due to timing legislation that u have to put forward within a certain time , there name goes on claire law , dont even see no point in pursuing that, infact dont think will even bother pursuing these b******* always get away , always find loop hole and just leaving us crying. Police go we can put in place his not allowed to contact u, i just really thought whatever i dont care, i spoke up cause i didnt want this to happen to another lady and he just walks away, what difference does it make if he contacts me now or not his had last laugh got away and still trying to leave me in debt. JUst got to some how focus on studies and get somewhere in life , maybe thats the only way to move forward to show them i got over them not that they bothered they took everything thats mine and the kids,again they won again like they always say they do.
22nd February 2016 at 1:31 pm #10204Red1Participant
Oh love 💗 that’s awful, wish I could say something to help, we are all here for you. This is why so many people don’t bother coming forward for fear of the liars getting away with it but you can hold your head high, you faced it and were truthful- even though the outcome wasn’t what it should have been you made a stand and it does count it really does. Have a good cry hun get it all out, remember you won when you got away from him x*x
22nd February 2016 at 2:28 pm #10205missgiddypantsParticipant
so sorry for you Hun also it’s sad that as they are now changing the law so coercive abuse is considered as bad as physical that he got away with it ,big hugs and hope you have someone there for you x*x
22nd February 2016 at 6:45 pm #10208katieloveParticipant
It really is disgusting isn’t it. I don’t really know what to say. I am still waiting for the police and CPS to decide – it takes ages.
x x x
22nd February 2016 at 8:00 pm #10212
After being flabbergasted by result of reporting him , having a good cry and speaking to my youngest I realised I never got justice for what happened to me , my true justice or result was escaping these two evil brothers who kept me trap , my true result is being alive today, my kids r with me , I have broken
Cycle of abuse which is pass on in
There family , my youngest is very strong minded and my eldest has finally agreed to try counselling , in my own way I am the true winner as my youngest says, he has lost everything , his brother may think by keeping him out of jail he has won , I really feel like putting a post on f book asking all ladies to speak up about d v and I am true winner as I escAped even though system have me no justice , but lol I don’t know that many people and what if I got ignored so maybe I will just thx all u lovely ladies for supporting me and encourage u all who r still with abusers to leave them and report them b4 u like me get told it’s too late to take action , be strong ladies and get justice for yourselves
22nd February 2016 at 8:09 pm #10213
I am so sorry to read this Hun and can’t imagine how you must feel.
You sound so strong though Hun and you are right you are still a true survivor
22nd February 2016 at 8:46 pm #10219
Yes I am disappointed in action police have taken but it’s still not going to stop me supporting ladies not to make mistakes I made , inside I prob am distraught , am so tempted to send his sisters and family a text tommrow telling them what I think of both abusive brothers but what’s point they don’t care , giving them no reaction is best thing to do , my true well wishers r the ladies on here , I know I survived and escape after (removed by moderator) that is my personal satisfaction , it hurts they mAde me practically crawl out empty handed , but hey I crawl out and got up again , hope u ladies all get strength from me to do same while I decide how or if I will put a live message about been survivor , do I really want people in new town knowing I was victim of d v , so much to think . I was saying this morning to my friends I want to get drunk and forget it all but I thought this eve u know what u not worth drinking over . Stay strong ladies x*x
22nd February 2016 at 9:25 pm #10222
I’m in a similar situation and I so know the right thing to do is report and I have a lot of evidence but just don’t feel strong enough yet- can I ask … How did you know when the time was right? Xx
22nd February 2016 at 9:35 pm #10225DaisyParticipant
Well done for all you have done,
You stood up to him and voiced what happened and that shows strength,
The truth is out there, even if you didn’t get the result you deserved,
Even if others in that family either don’t chose to hear it or more than likely are just covering it up and protecting him from taking the consequences.
You did all you could, and it’s not right to give yourself a hard time for the delay, you did it when you felt up to it,
You are a brave, strong, inspirational lady, well done you,
And in time, others will start to question him too, and when they do,
They will realise you were right all along,
Hold your head up high,
X x x
22nd February 2016 at 10:03 pm #10229SaharaDParticipant
Sorry that this happened. Mine didn’t get charged either. today I heard a story of an abuser who just got off with a slap on the wrist because no one believed the victim. Fast forward (leopards and spots) ten years later he’s done it again to over 10 women who have come forward so all the evidence that the initial victim put forward is being looked at again and that abuser will be charged and won’t be able to call all the women liars.
They get their come-up-ins one way or another.
Yours might get it sooner when his kids wise up that he is an abuser and toxic and don’t want him in their lives.
Hold on to the fact that the most important thing is that you got away from him.
22nd February 2016 at 10:19 pm #10232
I decided the time was right when a year later I had moved town and applied for divorce ,when I felt safe only by then it was too lAte to action , apparently has to be log with gp and police within 6 months of incident , so please Hun hope yours is log with gp as that will be evidence that can’t be denied , I told my go after 4 months of leaving ex that he abused me in every way and requested counselling but apparently that still wasn’t enough evidence . Please don’t make my mistake at least log with police then maybe carry forward later but if u leave As long as me they get off
22nd February 2016 at 11:00 pm #10235
Hi confused 123
Sorry it that question was too personal.
I have photographic evidence and a recording on my phone of him admitting everything that has been sent to my idva.
Once when I saw the police they took photos of injuries.
I also have evidence logged with sarc and when I moved to refuge I had to see Gp immediately because of my injuries.
I can’t imagine how hard it was for you.
I’m just so scared something will go wrong and I will not be protected enough!
And just don’t feel strong enough yet .
I really admire you though Hun
23rd February 2016 at 12:05 am #10246AyannaParticipant
Confused 123, massive hugs! I am so sorry! This is patriarchy. They punish us women for not accepting abuse. This is the world we live in.
Do not contact them. If you can, do never ever contact them. Move away. Change your name, change your personal details. The most hurt you can do to them is to estrange the kids from them. And also, by estranging the kids from them you can bring them up in a non abusive way to make them better people than their father and his family are.
Study hard, become a boss!
Transform your anger into power. Over time, over a few years, become a powerful woman boss. XXXXX
23rd February 2016 at 7:35 am #10255SerenityParticipant
I’ve spoken to you already in a message, but wanted to reiterate my support and to say, don’t let this quench your feelings of freedom and power.
By speaking out and attempting to have him charged, you e stood up to him more than he ever thought. He don’t be laughing or celebrating, because his name has been linked to a police investigation, he has had allegations made against him, and he knows you have the power and courage to stand up to him, and for him that is so unsettling.
I would look into having your allegations listed with Claire’s Law, if that is what you feel you want, which may help you feel empowered, as you might be protecting women in the future from his behaviour.
Huge hugs X
23rd February 2016 at 7:45 am #10256
Yes i will be speaking to police in (detail removed by Moderator) this week sometime as they seem to take it more seriously and will def look into getting his name added on to claires law and if i can i m gonna have both brothers name added on, i pray god gives me the justice to at least have both of them added on and not just one
23rd February 2016 at 9:56 am #10264Falling SkysParticipant
Hi and hugs xx just wanted to show my support, I’m sure when I give my statement my abuser will get away with it to. But I don’t care because I know and he knows the truth. And that I wont be silent anymore.
Also with changing your name you don’t have to wait till your divorce. You can do it today, I waiting till I have my mortgage through as it effect your credit rating.
23rd February 2016 at 1:28 pm #10268
thxs for all support, really has made me feel better, just so we aLL know we have 6 months to action anything they do to us from the day of incident to log and action it otherwise they get away, so all u ladies feeling scared, please speak up within 6 months otherwise they prob will get away with it . And thxs for tip about name changing, think will let this joint loan clear first then change as he is having so much fun messing my credit with his surname, so ill just let him think his winning
23rd February 2016 at 10:28 pm #10295martian29Participant
Oh god, that is absolutely awful, so sorry. Perhaps you can get closure by getting on with your life, going no contact and finding success in the future. Sorry I can’t offer much advice but just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you. Disgusting how these men manipulate those around them into defending them. Disgusting how they get off in court with abusing our mind, body and soul. Sending you healing vibes and hugs XX
23rd February 2016 at 11:00 pm #10299
Well I never thought he’d contact me but unbelievable he did , I M now in a new dilemma , have just posted under life after abusive realtionship , they really do not give up
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