14th February 2016 at 9:47 pm #9694
I saw our new home and loved it the moment I saw it. I’ve been taking stuff there for the last few days and tomorrow is the big day. I feel dreadful, especially since it’s Valentine’s Day today, but I have to do it. I’m going to try and just go through the motions, do what I have to do and not think about until after. My support worker has been fantastic, she’s emailed me various agencies/organisations which can help with white goods, furniture etc.
I have so much to learn. The new property doesn’t even have curtain rails/poles so I have to learn to use a hand drill and fix them myself. And the heating/water timer looks so complicated, might need some advice with that one. So much to do.
Wish me luck ladies. I can’t believe it’s happening. Tomorrow morning is going to be absolutely manic carrying our belongings there.
14th February 2016 at 9:58 pm #9695Stupidgirl40Participant
Good luck for tomorrow! I have read all your posts and hoped you would b free soon. I will b the same when I move out aa no idea how to do anything but we can all learn x
14th February 2016 at 10:39 pm #9699SerenityParticipant
Good luck Dog Lover. It’s been a long haul for you. Here’s all the luck possible for your departure. Keep safe and let us know how you get on X
14th February 2016 at 11:35 pm #9701AyannaParticipant
Good luck! Lots of instructions and tips are on youtube and google, never ending sources of advice 🙂
15th February 2016 at 7:08 am #9703White RoseParticipant
Good luck with everything today xx
15th February 2016 at 7:45 am #9704mixed-up mumParticipant
WELL DONE YOU!!!! The day has arrived – by the end of the day you will be on the road to freedom – you have done amazingly well – keep going – you can do this!!!!
Is there no one who can help with the curtain poles, friends/family?
You will find all the furniture you need eventually, you won’t have everything you need right away, but it will come in time.
My heating is very complicated too – I just don’t touch it, I just leave it all set at what it was when I moved in!!
It is scary leaving – but everything will come together in the end – use all the support you can get from anywhere you can get it – don’t be affraid to ask for help.
SO PROUD of you – you are doing so well – good luck.
Take care. x*x
15th February 2016 at 8:16 am #9705InneedofsomepeaceParticipant
Giod luck for today! Enjoy your new home. X
15th February 2016 at 8:44 am #9706Winterblues2Participant
Good luck and keep us posted, we are all here to support you x
16th February 2016 at 2:04 pm #9781
Thank you for your messages. We’re in. I am completely drained, physically and mentally and feel very emotional. I cried and cried last night and this morning I was still shell shocked. I called my husband before he got home from work to say we won’t be there. I explained why and he just couldn’t understand it. Predictably he said he would give my dog to the dog home. I explained it to his sister in person and she understood although of course she will be on his side. It was the most horrible day of my life.
I wasn’t expecting to feel this emotional and it’s scary. I feel very fragile. I’m already starting to miss him for some reason. Why do I feel like this? It doesn’t make sense.
My son is already happier and it’s been less than 24 hours. He was great yesterday, so excited about his room and he’s already invited a couple of friends over tonight. A bit too soon for me but at least it’s people around me.
That’s what hit me this morning, I am completely alone now. No family, a couple of friends who live too far to see too often and who have their own lives. I’m even thinking of going to the local church on Sunday for support.
My son is away this weekend and a weekend on my own really scares me. In the old place I would have relished it but now I am scared of being by myself.
People are helping me with some essential items later today and I’ve contacted the local council too for white goods. Any little help will be welcome.
Thank you for all your support.
16th February 2016 at 3:08 pm #9788mixed-up mumParticipant
Well done you have done SO WELL!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
You should be so proud of al you have achieved – yes you will be n shock – even thought you planned it and knew what you where doing actually DOING IT is such a shock when yu have finally gone through with it.
It does take time – I would say at least 12 months to 18 months before things start to settle – you will face all kinds of problems and hurdles, but you will overcome them too and you will begin to enjoy your freedom – as it becomes reality – you can do anything YOU want to now.
Yes you will feel drained and yes you will cry – but crying is good – its e release – helps you recover.
Its good his sister understood your reasons (more than MY sisters-in-law did!!!) don’t be surprised though if she does side with her brother – I was so disappointed in mine – I did think being wives and mothers they would at least TRY and understand what I had lived through for decades – but they sided with him – nothing was HIS fault!!! 🙁 🙁 🙁
Thats SO GOOD your son is happier already and enjoying his freedom.
You wont be missing HIM – you will just be missing ‘someone’ – but it WILL all work out for the best in the end – it takes time – one day you will look back and feel nothing for him.
PLEASE DONT BE ALONE – we are all always here for you – 24/7 – please ask us for help anytime – we are with you in spirit.
Please ask for help and support from anyone who offers you it.
REALLY GOOD to hear from you – keep intouch.
16th February 2016 at 2:39 pm #9786Confused123Participant
Well done for getting out,i only so last night that u was planning to leave over weekend.Dont worry next 6-12 months u go through another set of emotions which feel like a rollocaster but its about recovery, good u cried get it all out , u miss him cause abuse became normal part of your life and now its missing we take time to get grips with it, please do no contact with now , use this weekend to just pamper yourself, have u time, even if u do nothing and cry and stuff your face , make baby steps to doing your place up, u will get through this too, senidng u massive hug,message me if u need some one to talk to , start enjoying peace and freedom to come
16th February 2016 at 3:59 pm #9793AyannaParticipant
Congratulations! Well done! Do not be sad! You freed youself from abuse! That deserves a medal of bravery! Please do no contact so that you have time to find your inner strength. xxxxx
16th February 2016 at 4:22 pm #9796White RoseParticipant
Your weekend may be better than you think…..plan what YOU want to do, buy yourself a treat for tea and do a bit of home making. Enjoy the absence of stress of having him in your space.
You will feel lonely to begin with but you will slowly relax and enjoy life more than you have been able to.
I’m so pleased your son seems happier
16th February 2016 at 8:08 pm #9802Falling SkysParticipant
I’m so happy for you I’m crying lol maybe I am over emotional.
And how super after a short period you have see a difference in your son.
I hope now you can start to heal and be the woman you deserve to be.
17th February 2016 at 4:44 pm #9842
Hello everyone. Ok, so Day 2 is a bit better than Day 1. Not quite so emotional and just got on with what I have to do. Got myself a dining room table, spoken to the old utility and water companies, been to the council to say I’ve left (no doubt there will be bills to come from them), renewed my prescription for my medication and catching up on emails at the library again.
My husband hasn’t texted or tried to call but there was an email from yesterday saying how much he loves me, how could a marriage get to this, asking me to call him so we can talk about where we go from here. He was asking if things could be sorted out of if I’m just walking away. It broke my heart to hear that but I’m not ready to respond in any way yet. He will change his tune no doubt when he finds out I’ve cancelled the utility contracts and been to the council.
I saw our neighbor, she was so off with me, so I’m sure he’s told a different tale. At least the dogs are ok though. His sister seems to have them today. Just going past the house made me anxious though. I don’t want to go back there. I saw he’d emptied the porch, probably changed the locks as well. Interesting thing the neighbor said the social services had told HIM not to make contact with ME. I doubt he would have called them so it’s probably another tale he’s spinning to make himself the victim.
I’m sure he is devastated, he did say in his email how much I’d hurt him. And that does make me feel emotional and guilty again. But then I remind myself of the times he’s said and done horrible things to me and to my son and I don’t feel quite so bad again.
I wish I had wifi at the flat but I don’t yet so I’m a bit out of the loop. Or maybe it’s a good thing, I am not contactable that way and not tempted to email anyone. I told my family overseas and they were so shocked. My mum is worried but I’m just too emotional still to talk to them.
My support worker was fantastic. She managed to get me some things for the flat. I got a brand new microwave, toaster and kettle amongst other things. I was so grateful, at least I don’t need to buy those now.
Would anyone know about the housing benefit. I have applied and it’s being processed but the housing association is expecting a full rent payment this week I assume. My support worker advised though that I only pay what would be my contribution when housing benefit is taken off. She said it may take up to 6 weeks to process the claim and there is no guarantee that I will personally get the backdated rent, that there is a chance it could go directly to the housing association and I may have problems getting it back. I will speak to them tomorrow and hope they don’t turn difficult. I can manage if I pay my contribution but presumably that would officially make me go into arrears until the housing benefit kicks in. My support worker said I need to be tough with them, that I may get letters advising me I’m in arrears but that it would get sorted out when I get the benefit. I could suggest the housing benefit gets paid direct to them, maybe that will be better. Sorry, I’m rambling, hope I make sense.
I’ll keep you updated on our progress. My son had 3 friends round last night and he seemed so happy, even thanked me today for letting his friends stay over. This is what it should have been like all along. Now all I need is to get him back to school next week!
17th February 2016 at 4:55 pm #9846Confused123Participant
So pleased to hear about progress, u doing so well, yeah just keep on top of housing benfit to make sure they are processing, even if u have to get weekly updates, there something called emergency funding that u can apply for of soical if u waiting for rent money to come in, i would explain scenario to housing assoication that u r just waiting for benefit money to come through but can make your contributions,most times if u work with them they can be helpful , there r sites too that give things away for free, im not sure what its called but try going to libary to google it up and charity shops r brill for bargin, yeah try and avoid no contact to make yourself stronger . Dont feel weaken by him saying he is devasted, remember how devsated u felt when he made your life hell , remember he chose not to accept your son
17th February 2016 at 11:06 pm #9859DaisyParticipant
So glad you have your new home doglover99,
If it helps I expect your landlord are aware of the time your council are paying new HB claims in, and that hb pay in arrears.
If you are entitled to benefit it’s up to you if it is paid to you and you forward it on to your landlord or if it goes direct and you make arrangement to pay any contribution not covered,
What way did you request? What way suits you best?
If the delay in paying your claim builds up to 8 weeks owed they should check if you have paid it if you didn’t request rent direct to landlord because if you have gone ahead and paid it then that money needs to go to you.
Obviously if you asked for your landlord to be paid it will go to them.
I’m sure that you have plenty of important things to do with your money right now so I agree that perhaps you should not feel too eager or obliged to pay more than your contribution, which hopefully has been calculated for you or checked on the turn to us website?
X x x
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