2nd July 2016 at 12:51 am #20688
I am a very late learner in life but at least I recognise now when feel ill or trapped instead of regarding my own feelings as weakness.
Goodness knows why I was like this, I guess I got used to hiding anything problematical from my Mum in early life.
It’s like a REALLY bad habit.
Recently I left a partner who was wearing me down and as soon as I muttered the words ‘trapped, I feel trapped!’, the spell was broken and I left him same day. He started some recrimination and I said well if you start that, I will serve you some..best you leave it there I reckon, it’s more gracious.
Truth is, you don’t have to stay with men through thick and thin if it is too difficult and they are making life hard for you.
I had a wicked abusive ex and a wicked abusive husbeast and did I go on and on about it?
And did this man I just chucked go on and on about his exes?
And did I tell him not to?
I’m fairly assertive now so I think I did well.
2nd July 2016 at 1:44 am #20693AnonymousInactive
Hi, I think you did amazing. A strong independent woman that is what we all aspire to be. Good on you for getting out xx
2nd July 2016 at 8:22 am #20710SerenityParticipant
You are very strong. It comes through in your post.
Abusers run their exes down because they like to be pitied and to look like
hard done by.Plus, it only supports the view that abusers walk around filled with anger, holding on to grudges from years before.
You are right: this week, I have realised that I felt trapped with my ex and frustrated with the life that my ex was trying to impose on me.
It was a great moment when I actually realised that I felt this way. He had gone off, acting like he is free, denouncing conventional life, and I was for a moment envious of the freedom he now permits
himself. He left me feeling drained, washed-up, like I had been rejected because I was in some way boring or unadventurous or staid.
But in fact, j realise he was trying to make me that.He wanted utter freedom for himself, whilst keeping me chained. I even began to believe that housework was my forte, that domestic life was my mission- !- because he made me feel that but trying to stop me doing anything more adventurous and by criticising my cooking etc so I felt I had to spend so much daily energy fussing around him and chained to the home. I even worked nights for years so my working life wouldn’t inconvenience him and take away from seeing to his requirements- can you believe that??
Yes, I do like my home to be welcoming, warm and cosy, but it’s not my mission to be chained to a house! I was never like that, I even met him whilst travelling abroad, showing that I was always basically ambitious, active and adventurous. He tried to suck that out of me, to keep me trapped and chained. I was punished for ever trying to broaden my horizons.
But trapped and imprisoned is what I was.
2nd July 2016 at 10:21 am #20717
I’m really glad I left all of them. So flippin’ happy!
I don’t even feel envious of couples this time- I just think aaah!
Serenity, my dad was an abuser, I am afraid, to my Mum and he was also abusive to my eldest brother.
Mun is a deliciously funny, clever lady who he dragged down at every opportunity…she was a wonderful home maker, so am I.
But my role is not to be a cook or housekeeper, a carer to a man.
If it were a child, I would. But men need to be equal in strength and caring ability to me.
I have fibromyalgia and I am cheerful on the whole.
If I can be cheerful and positive and funny I really resent some old misery guts moaning on about his pain when he is smoking himself to death! That’s two I have had like that. Actually the worst abuser didn’t moan about pain and was the most hands on helpful ! Weird, they all are.
2nd July 2016 at 11:20 am #20720SerenityParticipant
I gave fibromyalgia too. I never barely even mentioned it to him, for fear of bringing him down!
2nd July 2016 at 3:37 pm #20733
Yes god forbid we mentioned a serious ailment, we might have been deemed useless…then one day you realise you are not EVER useless and they are just having fun and games.xx
2nd July 2016 at 4:15 pm #20738AyannaParticipant
Hi Teatime, I too have fibromyalgia 🙁
I have been going to the gym for a few months now and this really helps.
I love your expression: husbeast! It is so correct!
It is wonderful that you are so strong!
We must never allow these abusers to influence our lives. We get rid of them and live better than ever before!
I too have no interest in any relationship. Single life is bliss!
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