Once my back is turned….

[Jennaflorrie]

Yesterday, was having hair done….texted my D….to see how she was….was she getting lift in to work with her dad….she sounded subdued. I asked “Dad OK” “Is he still grumpy?” I asked…as he had been moaning and groaning in the morning….had our annual mortgage statement and I was thrilled to see it going down 🙂 but he was grumbling how it wasn’t good enough, the usual stuff about it being my dads fault (even though he is now dead) and how he has lost loads of money.

Anyway, back at Hairdressers….I had asked D how her dad was and if he was still grumpy…”yep” she texted back. He had “told me I am a trouble maker and not very nice person”. I felt icy cold, sitting reading the texts…my D has depression, on tablets and her dad had been encouraging, but here he was reverting back to the old bad person. D had then told her Dad “well, you obviously haven’t changed” to which he said “you haven’t changed either”…so D texted…”how exactly was I meant to change?”

The old feelings of worry came over me…..spoiling the moment…getting my hair done etc…

Got home and H had taken his D in to work…on the way, to make it up to her it seems..he had popped in to the pet store and they had been looking at one of her favourites. It is as though he knew he had over stepped the mark and was trying to make it up to her…..but words hurt!

I took dog for a walk, whilst D at work, hubby ran to join me! We ended up arguing….beautiful day, beautiful village…and all he could do was moan “I hate it here” I stopped…looked at him…”What exactly do you hate?” Beautiful countryside all around…..”Its not home, I hate it”.

He has now gone off to work his 4 days….I am so glad to have him gone. Now my poor in laws and my Son have to put up with him for 4 days.

[Peaceful Pig]

I feel for you. He’s sounds exactly like my ex, I so do not miss that constant moaning. Mine says similar to my daughter and tries to erode her confidence. At least our daughters have us to tell them it’s not true and not their fault so they can’t isolate them from reality xx

[Serenity]

Horrible man.

First of all, who is the adult? His responses to your child are immature.

But more than this, they are damaging. Abusers are like dangerous toddlers. They have childish responses but with adult power to maim.

Tell your daughter that she isn’t to internalise it or believe his words. You can even tell her that he is childish. This will stop her thinking of him as a power figure.

I could go to the most beautiful places, and he would ruin it with his dreadful negativity and unkindness. I remember being at the most beautiful places, with tears streaming down my cheeks because he was being so unkind to me.

They are toxic. They are no good for anyone.

[Jennaflorrie]

He is toxic. Yes, we all relate to these abusers. He can be really lovely and change in a split second and He is NEVER happy. I told him yesterday, you are never happy…you have never been happy. He denied it. He spoilt my walk just by being so negative.

My sister has told me off this morning….very nicely…but told me I need to tell him CLEARLY that I am not going back to the old town…EVER!!

I am worried about upsetting my Son who lives with his grandparents…and was wanting me to move back, but my sister says….and she is right….that its about ME about where I want to be. Son and Daughters need stability and to KNOW where I am. Then if Hubby wants to stay in the old town for good so be it.

So…deep breath….I am telling H this afternoon while daughter is at work…that I am not going back to the Old Town ever. He will try and manipulate me…but once this house has sold, I am staying here…around family, in a place I have started to settle and make friends. I am dreading telling my son too….but he is nearly in his 20’s and has to make his own life and my sister says…and again..she is right…..I need to give my children a rock and some stability.

[Jennaflorrie]

Shouldn’t discuss with other people but I cannot help but off load.

I am not going to tell Hubby tonight that I am NOT going to go back to the old town. I still am a bit confused anyway. I am mostly just upset about yesterday. That H said to his D “You are not very nice” and “You are a trouble maker” He did seem to try to rectify things by then stopping off at pet shop to visit D fav pet there in store….but…its a bit how he used to treat me isn’t it? Being nice…being nasty…..I feel more confused than ever.

What is the point? I am stuck.

I am stuck in a house that wont sell.

I am stuck with a man who seems to have changed…yes ….and DOES do things to try and make our relationship better. (yet behind my back reverted to tell his D things that he used to do in the bad old days)

Don’t know what to do now. Just carry on I guess. Till house sells…then I will have to make up my mind.

[Author]

Posts